Contrary to popular belief, men really like doing things for the ladies in our lives. Perhaps its the whole damsel in fishnet in distress thing or maybe being needed makes us feel strong like bull. Me no know. But half of the battle is not just that knowledge (no GI Joe), it’s knowing WHEN to ask us to do things for you. And ladies, you’re in luck, the good ole Girls’ BFF is here to spread the love and give away trade secrets. OMG!
- Either during or after the horizontal polka
Most men will agree to marry you if you’re putting it on him right (and then will pretend he never heard you afterwards). Some will change religions. Do you see where I’m going here? Men will make monumental life-altering decisions because of some good lovin’. So clearly, there’s NO better time than during or after the lovin’ to ask your man to go wash your car and while he’s at it, the cars of your mother and her entire Kiwanis Club social group.
2. Right after our team has scored/after a team we HATE has lost
I hate the New England Patriots and love the Indianapolis Colts. With the passion of 2 Mel Gibsons. Had my woman asked me to build her a mini-mansion with my bare hands and two paperclips after the Indianapolis Colts won last Sunday night, I’d have been outside right now trying to get more out of those paper clips than Staplescould ever advertise. But she didn’t. So I’m in the clear.
3. After we get a promotion
If a man gets a promotion, and thereby an ego boost, usually we’ll go out of our way to just do stuff because we’re happy. You want me to cut the grass with my toe nail clippers? Sure, nothing will bring me down from this high I’m on. Of course, I’ll hate you tomorrow, but today? You’re golden.
4. Right after you’ve done something really nice for us
It’s called manipulation. If I’ve been aching for the Best of Afroman1-CD Box set and you manage to find it for me, I’ll do just about anything for you. Of course, you know this which is why you’ll ask me to do just about anything to include: painting your toenails, painting the garage, building a garage, building a building with 2 garages, getting a pedicure, etc. We always pay for you doing something nice for us.
5. When we’re not paying attention because we’re engulfed in a video game
Somehow, a lot of us menfolks tend to tune women out when we’re doing other things, like breathing playing video games. However, that doesn’t stop you all from both recognizing this AND making demands that only you’ll remember while we’re doing such other things. Somehow, I’ll be forced to do whatever it is you asked because I can’t remember saying I wouldn’t do it, so I have to give you the benefit of the doubt that I did agree to fight the liger in the backyard for two pence and a bottle of rum. Yo ho ho.
Did I miss any? Fellas??
