No matter how much we love you and how much time we want to spend basking in your luminescent glow, there are certain things that most guys will never, ever, want to do. Chalk it up to our neanderthal nature since I’m assuming it goes that far back. And by the way, we totally do all of these things, anyway. Why must I cry?
1) Go bra/panty shopping
For most men, the bra/panty combo is purely sexual in nature. The shopping part is not. Watching you all sift thru mountains full of possibly-tried-on draws is just not how we’d like to spend the afternoon. Call us when you’ve picked out a set that we can remove.
2) Talk to you about what’s going on in your girl friends’ lives
I’m guessing this one does go back to caveman days as I’d bet good money that Caveman did NOT enjoy reading the wall etchings about who Cavewoman X was getting clubbed by. It’s really not that entertaining really. We think you all need hobbies. Just in case, I’m not clear, we don’t care what’s going on in their lives.
3) Sit on the phone for hours
The only thing worse than sitting on the phone for hours (usually after you’ve been dating for a while) is #2. We will probably just fall asleep on you anyway, thus pissing you off. BUT, at least we got off the phone. And no, we’re not calling back if you hang up. We take that as a sign of an ended conversation, which, of course, is the goal anyway.
4) Watch a bunch of wedding shows
It just sets a bad precedent. The guys ON the shows don’t look like they want to be there so consider it a sort of solidarity. Plus, then you might want us to watch nothing but shows where its all about emotion, like Oprah. Just a bad look, all around. In fact, Oprah is only okay when people like Mike Tyson are on there. Wow, what a show. Just moving.
5) Watch sappy romantic comedies
We like humor and can usually deal with the funny romantic comedies. The Notebook? Not so much. Titanic? Never again. They weren’t funny, they were depressing. We don’t like depressing. Plus the chicks in those are never as hot as the ones in funny romantic comedies. I’m not sure why this is but it is fact. Kind of like Will Smith is legend.
6) Taking quizzes from magazines
It’s not fun for us, so just stop. Plus, if they knew what men really liked, you’d never have to ask us.
