The best first date idea for men ever is…
The Time-Limited Coffee Date.
That’s all you need. In fact, other dates besides this one are going to lead you astray. The TLCD. This is an Amazing date. Let us explain.
Time limited – it’s between 45-75 minutes. We keep it short, tight, light, playful, funny and get out of there when time is up.
Coffee date – we go to an inexpensive cafe, sit down and have a drink together. You don’t actually have to get coffee (personally, I prefer fruit juice, or a pastry), but the whole idea of a “coffee date” gives guys tons of advantages:
- It’s gonna be a quick date. No long, drawn out, indulgent affairs with multiple venues, or DeLorean-based time travel.
- It’s gonna be casual. No fancy bibs, table manners and cello concertos. Just a cup of strong dark coffee – blacker than a moonless night. (Or, you can add sugar and cream if you want. Or, you can just get juice. Or a pastry. That’s fine too. [Focus isn’t on the coffee so much as the casual 45-75 minute atmosphere that a cafe brings.])
- It’s gonna be inexpensive, thus royally pissing off gold-diggers, saving you from their dark clutches and manipulations.
- It’s gonna be fun… Especially she’s a fun girl who’s bringing her A-Game to the table. And if she’s not, well, we still get to have fun spotting all the red flags and emotional baggage she leaks before we send her off, delete her number and go meet lots more women. If you need some tips on what to talk about, we’ve covered a few aspects for first date conversation and date conversation to avoid a bit in posts last month.
As simple as it sounds, these dates go really deep. It’s like a job interview… for her. You’re sizing her up. Is she just another girl passing through your life? Or is she bringing something to the table besides her good looks? And if so, what? How’s her attitude? How much is she into you?
You can get clues to all these questions and more when you bring a discerning eye to the TLCD. The more information you gather while keeping the date light, playful and funny, the better.
Some guys out there might be wondering about sex. Like, how does one get sex from a time-limited coffee date? Well, we need to be very clear about our goals here. The coffee date is designed to set up the right kind of patterns, screen out women with bad attitudes and/or aren’t into you and simply give both parties a small sample of what time with each other is like.
We like to look at the big picture, and over the long term. It’s the old cookie game. You can eat one cookie now, or wait 30 minutes and get 4 cookies. We practicing self-control, override the liquid fire testosterone in our veins and hold back on the sex. Doing so gives us more options while positioning ourselves as a Challenge – a pretty deep complicated subject that we’ll be covering in future posts.
This is much easier said than done for some guys. Others of us can get it right away. Others get it after fierce and determined practice. The pay off is more sex, better sex, more sexual variety, she’s happier, more orgasmic, likes the sex more and basically both parties sex lives are way better. But it takes that initial round of self-control.
Going into a TLCD with the attitude of “sex is OFF the table completely for this date,” we’re able to cool some of the liquid fire, bring a more objective, less emotion eye to the situation and really check out the girl to see what her deal is, and if she’s someone we want to invest our time, money and emotional energy into.
Can sex happen on the first date? It has, though that’s not the goal. Here’s a story from one of our guys about how it went down one time:
Me: Ok, well I had a fun time. (Preparing to part way)
Her: Oh, we’re leaving?
Me: We…? Well, I’m going home. I have work to do there. You can come with me if you want.
Her: Yeah! I’ll go home with you…! We can… Uh… Play cards!
Me: …Ok. If you really want to.
That’s happens sometimes, though that wasn’t the goal. When we find girls who are really into us, they make it really smooth and easy for us to both have a lot of fun. On the other hand, we’ve had wacky situations on TLCDs like this which were a lot of fun in a complete different way.
Her: What’s your job?
Me: I’m Batman.
Her: No really!
Me: Ok… You got me. My name is Bruce Wayne.
Her: If you don’t tell me, I’m not going to answer my phone when you call next time.
Me: Haha. Hey, I had a fun time. Hope you have a nice day. Bye now.
Her: …You’re leaving?
Me: (already gone)
TLCDs are a great time to figure out if the girl doesn’t vibe with you well (perhaps because she’s there more for the date-itself rather than the date with YOU) than and simply let her go, there and then. The sooner guys figure out she’s not going to make life a lot more fun, the sooner they can save themselves all the time, money, energy, emotional investment and stress that they would put into trying to ‘get’ a girl in a situation that was doomed before it even began.