Unfortunately, there’s not really a check-list answer to this question, but I’ll try to offer one, anyway. Understand the following is over-simplified and over-generalized.
Wait it out.
Passage of time is probably the single most important component. The amount of time varies from person to person but if it’s really unrequited love, it will take a while. Generally at least six months or so, often much longer than that, with the average length of time being around 18 months.
Eliminate or significantly reduce all contact with your loved one (if loved one is an acquaintance).
I can’t emphasize this enough. It is a whole lot harder to fall out of love when you’re spending time around your loved one, staring at her/him, being in their presence, seeing them smile at you, all that stuff. So, make excuses, change your route to class or work, see them only in group situations (if they are someone you talk with regularly). If this is not possible, you will likely spend more time in unrequited love than you might otherwise, but that’s ok, it will eventually pass.
Avoid sexual references and flirting (if they are a good friend).
If you and your loved one are good friends and you want to try and maintain the friendship, both of you must eliminate any sexual tension or flirting that may have been taking place in your interactions. Communication needs to be very clear from the loved one that they are not interested in a romantic relationship with you, and very clear from the would-be lover that you understand and are not asking that of them any more. If you do not feel it is possible to accept a friendship from your loved one (to fully let go of the hope of a reciprocated romance), you probably should not really spend time with them. It will only lead to both of you feeling frustrated and hurt.
Don’t worry, you won’t forget what your loved one means to you.
If it’s really unrequited love (and not a crush), it will probably never fully go away. However, I promise you, at some point it will move from being something that is happening to you, to something that happened to you. It will feel less immediate, less sharp, but you won’t forget your loved one and how they made you feel. The positive feelings you have about your loved one will remain, and you can always access those feelings and memories (although the intensity level will diminish, thankfully).
Try and socialize with friends and family, even when you don’t feel like it.
I do not recommend you try dating right away, I think that oft-given advice is ridiculous. When you are in love, you really can’t be romantically open to anyone else and will only end up in pain yourself and possibly hurting the other person. But it is important to go out, not to stay at home and dwell on your grief and loss. Force yourself to go out and just spend time with others you know and trust, that’s all you have to do for a while.
Begin dating only when you really feel interested in dating.
Wait to begin dating until you have some energy and emotional openness for a new person. When you feel ready to get to know someone new, go ahead and start dating. You don’t have to be in love to date, you just have to want to go out and have fun with this attractive, new person.
These are my thoughts on getting over unrequited love. Please comment if you have other ideas or feedback…
