The Concept of Forever

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Forever.

Ask me what the concept of forever means and I will tell you that it’s right now. As I hold you in my arms, as I kiss you and tell you I love you- that is my forever. If you asked me that at the age of 20, I would have told you that forever was a lifetime, but things change.

In my youth, I thought about the guy who would “rescue” me. I would read Judy Blume books and hope to someday meet a guy just like the ones she wrote about. The guy who would change everything. The guy who would be by my side always. As a young women, I thought the concept of forever was somebody who completed me, would be my source of joy, and that ‘forever’ was what I should be working towards and dreaming of.

As I began to date, I kept those stories and those teachings in mind. I would romanticize these connections that actually were just passing feelings or short term connections. Your typical growing up rite of passage. Then I met ‘the one’ and we lasted for a while…then it ended. Then, I met ‘the one’ again…and that ended also. What was happening to my concept of forever?

But, what if your forever has an expiration date? What if it was meant to last only an x amount of time? Are you a failure? If at some point you say “this is not where I want to be,” should you feel guilty? Should you stick it out when you fall out of love?

I commend anyone who accepts their union has served its purpose and finds strength to move on. When I read this article about an interview with actress Hilary Duff, I found her so refreshing. She had the courage to say out loud what I think a lot of people wonder or question but just never say- she stated that she doesn’t think people are meant to be together forever.

We are ever changing beings and sure, our core should remain the same, but we are constantly learning, growing, expanding and testing. If the only two sure things in life are taxes and death, why do we put so much stock on the concept of forever? Why wouldn’t it be normal or accepted that love changes, relationships change and people grow apart?

If we don’t want our forever to expire, if we believe in happily ever after and don’t want to give up on that goal, what do we do? How do we insure a better outcome? How do we lay down a better path?

Maintain Your Concept of Forever

Be in the Moment

It’s okay to plan and daydream, it’s okay to get lost in fantasy but be in the moment. Enjoy that kiss, linger in that touch, hold that embraces and enjoy that smile. Don’t rush through it expecting you have tomorrow, live it today.

Be Realistic

What you put in is what you will get in return. If you stop doing the things that drew you together, don’t be shocked when you start to grow apart. Part of what keeps us together is mutual interest, excitement and playfulness. If you hold on to that reality, then your forever may increase.

Lower Expectations

If you want to make love last, you can’t grow under pressure. Flaws are what separate us and make us unique. Don’t fall for the “storybook,” instead- create your own story; one that represents you and your partner, one that you can build together.

Reinvent Yourself

As time goes by, we tend to become a bit comfortable. Yes, those jeans we finally broke in suit us fine, but people aren’t clothes. Every now and then, we need a jolt to remind us of “why.” Why we chose a certain book, a certain job, a certain lipstick. Same with partners, every now and then, do something out of the box. Remind him or her why they chose you, why they stopped to speak to you, why they asked you out. Get a haircut or change a few pieces in your wardrobe. It will be like being with someone new!

Baby Steps

Sometimes we tend (especially us women) to go a little overboard. We meet someone and right away, we start over-sharing all these grand plans. The clock may be ticking, but pushing things to move faster than they are ready to move is a sure way to reach your end.

Like Mindedness

Birds of a feather do flock together. Opposites also do attract, but you can’t be such opposites and expect to fall into common ground. Make sure you are meeting and connecting with people with some common interests. Similar values and goals, perhaps a little adventurous so you can both try new things often.

Forever is…

Whatever or however you make it, the concept of forever, realistically speaking, is not the same for everyone. You could have the best of something  for only a short time, or you could have the worst of something and have it drag on for a long time. So make your forever count for you.