The question “Am I Good Enough?” is a question that many of us may ask ourselves at some point in our lives. It is a question that especially comes up after a break up. One that we may sit with for a while and come away with peace or one that drags on and brings us torment. After my second long term relationship came to a bubble bursting end I found myself sitting in that question for several months. My first long term relationship lasted over eighteen years and produced an amazing baby girl. It was my first real love and I learned some great do’s and don’ts in regards to relationships.
- do have outside interest
- do bring something to the table
- do be true friends
- do actually like one another outside of the intimacy
- do set relationship goals
- do build together
- do find someone with matching maturity levels
and my don’t…the only one that matters is: don’t lose yourself.
Those eighteen years were filled with lessons indeed. I especially took away that at eighteen or nineteen years old many of us are not prepared to play house and then make it permanent. We barely know who we really are to even think about uniting with another. Society wants to push us into marriage and children but what about the before, the in between and the after? What about individuality? We had a lot of love and we had a lot of laughs, the intimacy and chemistry was with us till the end. What we didn’t have was the united family front, the long term goals, and the with time people must evolve and leave childish things behind.
Shortly after that time, I met and fell in love with, would you believe, an old H.S. classmate? The connection was instantaneous, our first phone conversation lasted well over four hours. We had our first date on a Friday in July of 2015 and were never too far apart until April of 2017.
It was a beautiful union. Clarity, respect, love, friendship, intimacy, goals, plans, the works. He said what he meant, he meant what he said. He never digressed from what he showed me from day one. I was in a good place, I was also clear…or so I thought. I had made a conscious decision to enter this union with an open heart and mind. To speak clearly and to communicate with love and to be open to endless possibilities. What I didn’t realize was that my listening skills were extremely poor and my choice of words were horrible. Yes we were communicating but the interactions were not sticking because of how things were being presented. So of course that union came to an end. I call it a bubble bursting end because at the time I really thought it had large amounts of potential and things could have turned out differently.
I cried then I questioned then I read then I took a deep breathe and stood still. Am I good enough? What went wrong? What did I do? What didn’t I do? I found the answer. The answer was…there was no simple answer. Just clarity and acceptance. Understanding that things as tough as it sounds do happen for a reason and once we find that out we can find peace. But we must find that out for ourselves, no one can give us the answer. My bubble bursting second long term relationship taught me…
Relationships Teach You
- love has conditions
- all in life is not Black or White
- shades of Gray are wonderful because they are imperfectly perfect
- words matter, choose them wisely
- clarity is a must be clear on your intent
- time is valuable
- when you know better you do better
So am I good enough? Yes I am. I learned the importance of listening better and of being more careful with the words I use. I learned that if one person lacks empathy the other’s so called imperfections will be a deal breaker. I learned that as long as I continue to grow and learn and be open to life I will never fail at being the best me I can be. I am only as good as I am willing to be open to all that life has to offer. I am only as good as what I learn from my mistakes.