Defind by Relationships


I understand that a lot of women crave relationships and the connection that comes from a romantic connection with a partner. Finding that one person to love for the rest of your life is amazing and rewarding. After all, the payoff of dating has to be epic because I sure know that dating can be a nightmare when done wrong. I’ve experienced romantic love, been in committed long term relationships, and I understand the drawl. I know it feels wonderful to have that person to confide in; who understands you and accepts you as you are. Here is one very important thing I’ve always understood though…those relationships DO NOT define me!

I decide who I am and how happy I am

I have never been a girl/woman who found self worth from being in a relationship. For a long time I had relationships but did not date and even now I’m not a big ‘dater”. I’ve always found a peace and joy in being alone. I caved in my youth to family pressuring me to date and find somebody special. I ended up in a two year relationship with somebody I knew wasn’t right for me because my family approved of him and at least I wasn’t facing those “why are you single” questions anymore. I was miserable. I will NOT be in a relationship with somebody I don’t love. I learned the hard way, thankfully early on, that it is much better to be alone than with the wrong person.

Much to my dismay a lot of women seem to have missed this memo. The number of women that I see jumping from relationship to relationship with no down time is astounding. You’ve seen them, too. She always has a guy in her life and if she is in between relationships she is a mess! She will do one of two things, turn into a horrid imitation of her college party girl days or mope and cry until she finds somebody else. I’ve asked a couple what they are doing and why they don’t take any time for themselves between relationships. I have never been happy with the answers.

Excuses. Excuses.

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of the “I’m not getting any younger and can’t waste time” excuse. Quantity does not equal quality. Yes, dating will increase your odds of meeting a guy but not always the right guy. I get you want children, but frantically rushing men into serious relationships because your biological clock is ticking is not the solution. Sorry to burst your bubble but there is no timeline on finding love, relax.

I’ve also had women who said, “I don’t need a man but I am happier with one.” Um, sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but then you do need one. The hard truth is that if your happiness is dependant upon you having a man in your life that is not healthy. You should have no problem spending time with yourself, family, and friends and being happy. Without being fulfilled and content with your own life you are probably going to be a clingy girlfriend who ends up pushing her man away.

The long and short of it…

By jumping from relationship to relationship you are building a reputation for yourself that you may not like. People take notice when a woman is running through all the available men within a 20 mile radius and the men notice too. Any strong man, like the kind you have dreamed about being with since childhood, is going to be drawn to a woman who can’t stand on her own two feet. Yes, men want to feel needed and wanted but there is a difference between that and saving and being a lifeline for a woman.

My suggestion is to spend some time getting to know and love yourself just as you are, build yourself up, and get a hobby. Take the time to start a journal, read a book, take up Zumba, or join a bowling team. Maybe you have extra time and can volunteer at a shelter, Big Brother/Big Sister, or local elderly home. Staying busy is key to not feeling lonely.

Whatever you do, make sure you are growing and bettering yourself. Stay busy, stay smiling, and when the right guy comes along you will be in a much healthier place. When you are happy and confident you will GLOW. It is that glow that will end up attracting “the one”. If you only learn one thing from this website as a whole it is the clear message that YOU, alone, are enough. You have the potential to change the world, to make a difference, to BE the difference. Celebrate yourself.