Ten Things You Should Never Say to a Guy Over Online Chat

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man talking online

Chatting online is great. You can do it without makeup, your face stuffed full of Samoas, and wearing sweatpants, while the person on the other end thinks you’re still as coiffed as the last time you hung out.

Instant messaging has also transformed the once-awkward and nerve-racking task of “talking” into a series of carefully crafted keystrokes.

While the problem of stumbling over your words is greatly reduced, you can still say some pretty boneheaded things. Give these phrases a second guess before you click “send.”

10. “What’s wrong?”

Probably nothing. You’re likely misinterpreting what we wrote (or didn’t write). If your concern is genuine, pick up the phone to get the scoop.

9. “LOL!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!”

If something was genuinely funny, “hahahaha” is the way to go. It signifies a legit internal reaction to humor, rather than the image of you cackling like a buffoon at your computer screen.

8. “I think we should break up.”

Don’t waste your time here, then. Spend it trying to find a backbone. We either think you’re joking (though it’s not that funny) or that you’re not, which is unforgivable.

7. “Hey! Where’d u go?!?!”

Chances are, to get a snack, to answer the phone or to birth a food baby. If we didn’t say goodbye, then we’ll be right back, and a comment like this comes across as obnoxious and needy (especially the “u” and army of staggered punctuation). It’s IM, not a heart-to-heart.

6. “Whatever.”

The insinuation of “I don’t care about what you’re saying” in a single, mocking word drives us nuts.

5. “* Sigh *

Passive aggressiveness is annoying enough in real life. Don’t pollute cyberspace, too.

4. “OMG!!!!!”

You better get going. Don’t wanna be late for the rush-week social and Greek-letter-tote-bag handouts.

3. Anything sarcastic

Sarcasm is a language not easily translated to binary code. So, if you’ve got something witty to say, try italicizing it for effect, because being a smart aleck online is always a great idea.

2. “Fine

This word is easily misinterpreted, thanks to years of hearing you say it in that “Hey, jackass, I’m definitely NOT fine” tone.

1. “We need to talk … “

Um, we are talking, right? This line signals impending doom over IM — heck, in real life, too. Just make a phone call or say something face-to-face. If you have to break out this phrase, your topic is likely too heavy for an IM conversation.

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4 COMMENTS

  1. Hahahahaha…obviously written by a man….Come off it admin! I say that woman (or men for that matter) should say whatever is on our minds if we feel the need….I do think that IM’ing can become a total waste of time when what needed to be said was said and the person on the other end still wants to “chat”. Being courteous is the the way to be. FYI -Anyone has the right to ask where someone has gone if they are conversing and the other just randomly walks away…to ask is not to sound “needy” but rather to expect decency from the other person when “chatting”. Instead of rudely walking away….a polite brb works here. Women we don’t need to worry how we sound when we IM….be polite and be yourselves…if the guy on the other end thinks it is needy to ask where they went when they rudely have just walked away…then forget them….”busy…talk to you another time- bye” Women are not desperate for any man…especially one who is rude.

  2. There’s nothing more annoying than abusing the ellipsis and breaking your sentences into seperate, partial phrases when you could simply finish what you have to say in one complete thought.
    Sorry if that sounds……rude…

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