Although you may be a perfectly sane, composed, rational woman most of the time, a stay in the Heartbreak Hotel can flip your emotions like a Romanian gymnast — especially when it’s punctuated by one of these melancholy musical mainstays. We’ve already told you our 10 best breakup songs. Now it’s time for the breakup musical blacklist:
Doin’ It (LL Cool J)
Choice Lyric:
“Doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well /
Doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well /
Doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well /
I represent Queens, she was raised out in Brooklyn.”
Why Delete It From Your Playlist?
It’s the audible equivalent of mainlining pheromones — expose your ears, and you’ll be prone to bad sexual decisions in your state of vulnerability.
Watch / Listen to “Doin’ It”
How Am I Supposed to Live Without You? (Michael Bolton)
Choice Lyric:
“I could hardly believe it when I heard the news today /
I had to come and get it straight from you /
They said you were leaving, someone swept your heart away /
From the look upon your face I see it’s true.”
Why Delete It From Your Playlist?
It’s the song that played when Zack and Kelly broke up on “Saved by the Bell.” If that doesn’t depress you, then you probably went to Valley.
Watch / Listen to “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You”
Everybody Hurts (REM)
Choice Lyric:
“Well, everybody hurts sometimes /
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes /
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.”
Why Delete It From Your Playlist?
The song’s message is that everyone has bad days, so take comfort in your crestfallen company. But why draw more attention to the misery of your breakup?
Watch / Listen to “Everybody Hurts”
I’m All Out of Love (Air Supply)
Choice Lyric:
“I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you /
I know you were right believing for so long /
I’m all out of love, what am I without you /
I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong.”
Why Delete It From Your Playlist?
Coming to terms with a breakup is one thing. Coming to terms with the fact that you purchased, or went out of your way to illegally download, an Air Supply song will bum you out way more than getting dumped.
Watch / Listen to I’m All Out Of Love
Tears in Heaven (Eric Clapton)
Choice Lyric:
“Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven? /
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven? /
I’ll find my way through night and day, /
‘Cause I know I just can’t stay here in heaven.”
Why Delete It From Your Playlist?
Ya know what’s worse than being dumped? Being inspired to write a ballad in memory of your 4-year-old son, who fell out of a 53rd-floor penthouse window and died. Long story short: If you listen to this while feeling sorry for yourself, you’re kind of a dick.
Watch / Listen to “Tears In Heaven”
Break Stuff (Limp Bizkit)
Choice Lyric:
“It’s just one of those days /
When ya don’t wanna get up /
Everything is f**ked /
Everybody sucks /
And u don’t really know why /
But u wanna justify /
Ripping someone’s head off.”
Why Delete It From Your Playlist?
The seeds of irrational, destructive rage will likely be planted, and you might harvest them on something you’ll regret after the dust settles. Plus, if enough people delete this tune (and songs like it), Limp Bizkit will have failed to actually exist!
Watch / Listen to “Break Stu … actually, never mind.
Back to Black (Amy Winehouse)
Choice Lyric:
“Get on without my guy /
You went back to what you knew /
So far removed from all that we went through /
And I tread a troubled track /
My odds are stacked /
I’ll go back to black”
Why Delete It From Your Playlist?
Hearing Amy Winehouse’s voice might inspire you to follow her lead and consume alcohol and narcotics like Crystal Light and Special K bars.
Watch / Listen to “Back to Black”
Every Rose Has Its Thorn (Poison)
Choice Lyric:
“And to hear that tears me up inside /
And to see you cuts me like a knife /
I guess that’s why they say every rose has its thorn /
Just like every night has its dawn /
Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song /
Every rose has its thorn”
Why Delete It From Your Playlist?
Frontman Bret Michaels had a reality show in which he actively searched for a whoremate. Do you really want to hear what he says about love and relationships?
Watch / Listen to “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”
You’re So Vain (Carly Simon)
Choice Lyric:
“You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you /
You’re so vain, I’ll bet you think this song is about you /
Don’t you?Don’t You?”
Why Delete It From Your Playlist?
Now, hang on. She accuses a guy of being self-absorbed enough to think the song is about him. But, if he’s the guy about whom she wrote the song (and, presumably, the object of her scorn), wouldn’t he be right?
Watch / Listen to “You’re So Vain”
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do (Neil Sedaka)
Choice Lyric:
“Don’t take your love away from me /
Don’t you leave my heart in misery /
If you go then I’ll be blue /
‘Cause breaking up his hard to do.”
Why Delete It From Your Playlist?
This saccharine-fueled oldie’s obnoxious nothing-but-smiles and “doobie-doo-dum-dum” take on heartbreak will only enrage you further. Like, “red zone” enrage.
Watch / Listen to “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do”
All photos from Getty Images
