10 Ways To Stop Drunken Texting

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A simple text message is the most convenient and risk-free way to communicate with a crush. You can think about what you want to say, reach them immediately, and give them time to respond. It’s a totally easy way to put yourself out there, and if they don’t respond, you can just tell yourself that they didn’t receive it. More importantly, it can be done in loud places where a phone call wouldn’t work — places like, say, I don’t know … a bar?

These days, alcohol and texting go together like peanut butter and jelly — except peanut butter and jelly is a great idea. PB&J is a delicious symbiotic relationship that benefits all involved. Alcohol and texting benefit no one. Best case scenario: it results in some booty. Worst case scenario: do I really need to give you one? Think for five seconds. You already know.

It’s not easy to put away your phone when you’ve had a couple of cocktails.Here are ten ways to get yourself to stop drunken texting:

Know your limit. 

Your technological self-control limit, that is. How many shots would you take before slurring to your friend, “I’m a leeeeetle bit drunk?” Subtract one drink. When you hit that number, you need to make the next responsible decision….

Give up your phone!

So obvious, yet so hard to do. But friends don’t let friends drunken text. Give your phone to a friend who doesn’t like your crush, or one who can resist your drunken whining. If you’re sooo popular, she can check it for other calls and texts twice an hour. Tell her — when sober! — that no matter how much you complain, she is only to return the phone to you when it becomes a matter of safety (like you are hopping in a cab home). Sure, you might text from your bed, but it can’t hurt to stave it off for a few hours.

“And then my future wife drunk texted me” is not a phrase men often say.

Are you playing for more than a booty call? (Be honest.) Well, then stop your little fingers right there. Texting at 1 a.m. is going to make you look like a boozy floozy. Remember, can’t turn a ho into a housewife.

Remember that you are a verbal human being.

One who deserves real, face-to-face contact. This involves more than 150 characters. When you limit yourself to “wat r u doin?” and “u r 2 sexxy,” you’re downplaying the fact that you can, you know, hold a real conversation. Text speak makes you look dumb. Not “sexxy.”

Delete certain numbers from your phone. (And don’t memorize them, smarty pants.)

This is especially important if you’re fond of telling your ex off after a few Bud Lights. If you’re worried about not having their number for the rest of your life, write it down somewhere and put it someplace safe. Simply not seeing their name when you scroll through your contacts will make it easier to resist sending that text.

Think about what you really want to achieve.

And then remember that no text likely ever achieved that. Most of us text because we want attention and validation from our crush. The truth is, a text can’t provide that — something you’ll realize when doubt creeps in the next morning. It might make you feel good in the moment, but you’ll feel even better when that attention comes sober, during waking hours.

Text someone else instead.

If your fingers are just itching, or you’re really that bored, and you have to text someone, text a friend. Have a code word — the acronym “TYNH” is good. (Texting you, not him!) Doing that for 15 minutes might kick the craving.

You don’t need to “just tell him this one thing ’cause it’s really funny and kind of an inside joke we have.”

All lies.

Think of him showing your text to all his friends.

Imagine him taking his out Blackberry while watching the game with his buddies and announcing to all of them what you’ve just written. Is that the girl you want to be? You’re working hard to make him and his pals think you’re cool and special. Don’t negate all that with some ridiculous T9 action.

Appreciate the moment.

Stash your phone for an hour with the goal of living in the moment. Talk to the friend you’re with about her new job. Play pool. Talk to the cute bartender (who likely isn’t going to strike up a conversation with a girl who spends her whole night texting). When you’re so involved with your phone, you’re not involved with the people around you. The more fun you’re having with them, the less interest you’ll have in texting.