Remember when we were younger and used to pull out the latest issue of Teen Bop and gush about J.T.T? Or maybe it was Andrew Keegan for you. Huddled in a circle on the yard; one girl would have the mag and pull it out like it was some kind of sacred tomb. We’d squeal at whoever was on the cover page as if he was looking directly into our souls. My days of Teen Bop fantasies are gone but I’m not ashamed to say I have found another outlet. My shows are my friends, but I don’t mean that in a sad I have no friend’s kind of way. I spend most of my time working and hanging with family, so when I sit back to relax I get to indulge in some of my favorite shows. Oh the hunks they’ve given me to swoon over. I love my boyfriend very much but these are the 8 fictional men I’d leave my man for.
Prepare For a Hotness Overload
Jax Teller (Sons of Anarchy)
“You can’t sit at this table and not be a savage” Is it wrong that every time I’m stuck in traffic and a motorcycle goes by I legitimately hope its Jax? Granted he’s the leader of a vicious, arms dealing biker gang but he’s got a poetic soul and fucking amazing blue eyes. When he beats some low level drug dealer to a pulp my heart just races. The definition of that alpha male, he loves his twisted mother and his high-school sweetheart. Never have I wanted to join a biker gang more in my life. Jax wherever you are, I’m waiting for you.
Don Draper (Mad Men)
The suit, the cigarettes, and the inappropriate office interactions. What I wouldn’t give to be his secretary. He may be a notorious womanizer and a closed off asshole at times but I wouldn’t mind being his mistress. I mean think about all those long tense elevator rides and those super long sweep you off your feet kisses. Don seems to inhale every woman he’s with and I wouldn’t mind being all wrapped up in some Don.
“Magic” Mike (Magic Mike)
Sweet baby Jesus, if all male strippers look like Chaning Tatum then I’ll be there every weekend. The moment I knew it was over was when Mike danced to “Pony”. My eyes didn’t leave the screen, I held my breath, and it’s possible my heart stopped. I’ll pull 100’s out for you Mike.
Dean (Blue Valentine)
I mean Ryan Gosling. It doesn’t matter which movie The Notebook, Drive, Gangster Squad, Half Nelson, it’s like God dropped him off just to torture the women of the world. Why are you so perfect? With your sly smile, deep longing looks and soft humble attitude. Get the fuck outta here Ryan! What are you doing to me?
Arthur (Inception) or Tom (500 Days of Summer)
Yes, I’m talking about Joseph Gordon Levitt, swoon. Can we just pause on how amazingly sexy he looks in a slim fit suit! Now that’s taken care of yes, Joseph I love you. I’m a sucker for the geeky chic look and to me JGL is the king, he’s not afraid to make a fool of himself or pour his heart out. And goddamn can that boy wear a suit. Not to mention he gets extra brownie points because he was in the last installment of Batman, talk about making my fantasies come through.
Magneto (X-Men: First Class)
He moves things with his mind and it’s Michael Fassbender in a skin tight suit. I wish I had a mutation so I could join his league of evil badasses. He’s 6ft of elegant man, dripping of intelligence and full of vengeance. Magneto I’ll totally help you take over the human race as long as I can be by your side.
Forrest Bondurant (Lawless)
Tom Hardy absolutely owns in this movie! Forrest is a tough good ole boy with a mean streak and a kind hart. Those bulging muscles and that slow southern drawl make me melt. I can totally get over the criminal career as a bootlegger; I mean I love a good drink as much as the next girl.
Cry Baby Walker (Cry Baby)
Johnny Depp in the 90s, yea, soak it in. Cry Baby you musical rebel you. He looks like Elvis and James Dean’s love child, sings the rockabilly blues and wears a leather jacket. I’d hang up my poodle skirt for you Cry Baby I’d even sing a tune if you wanted. You’re just so dreamy.
I could go one forever and probably find someone to crush over in every show I watch. But these characters hold a special place in my heart, forcing me to watch every time each show or movie is on. Gentleman, I’ll see you in my dreams and on my Tele.
Have a fictional crush? Gush about them below.