How do you know when it’s time to leave the relationship you are in? There are times when you have invested so much into a relationship that it just seems silly to leave it. But if your girlfriend is making your life miserable, you can’t help but wonder about being single again.
You can put all the horrible things about the relationship on one hand of the balance scale and you are convinced that you should leave. Then you look at the other side of the balance scale and realize that you love her and you care for her. And before you know it, you are back to square one.
Actually, the main problem here is the relationship ambivalence. In many ways, this state of confusion is worse than breaking up or staying in a bad relationship. You are probably always judging and analyzing everything your girlfriend does. Even little things could trigger big fights and you are never truly happy.
If you are not sure whether or not you should stay in a relationship, you aren’t making any effort to improve it, and you are not leaving it to find a better relationship.
Here are a few questions that will help you decide whether or not you should leave.
1. Was there a time when things were great?
Think about the good times you’ve had with your girlfriend. Was there a time when things were so good that thinking about it makes you crave for it? If so, then there is hope that you two can make it as a couple. It’s possible that this is just a rough patch in the relationship and you just need to talk about it and solve it together. Instead of leaving the relationship, try seeking help and communicate with her.
However, if you can’t recall a time when you two were truly happy together, then I’d say it’s time to leave the relationship. If things were never great, chances are they will not improve in the future. Leaving the relationship will probably be a great idea for both you and your girlfriend.
2. Have you already decided on a future that doesn’t involve her?
If you have already decided on a course of action, or a big life decision that does not involve your partner, then on a deeper level you’ve already decided to leave the relationship. The best thing you can do right now is leave the relationship as fast as you can. The more you delay the harder it will be for both of you.
3. Is there a huge communication problem?
Having a communication problem in a relationship is not a deal breaker. Different people communicate differently. And communication skills can be learned and taught. The problem arises when your partner doesn’t want to communicate at all. If there is something that is important to you and there is no way your partner agrees to talk about it, then you have a relationship that needs to end.
On the other hand, if your relationship has a communication problem, you both should work on your communication skills. Communication problems are very common amongst couples and they can be solved beautifully. The only requirement to solving these problems is the willingness to change. However, you might find yourself in the situation where you are just blamed for not understanding her and not listening to her, while she doesn’t accept any blame for the messed up communication. If that’s the case, you have another problem, which brings us to the next question.
4. Is there an unwillingness or incapability to change?
If your girlfriend has an issue that is clearly the reason you are suffering in the relationship, then you should just talk to her about it. But talking doesn’t always solve a problem, does it? A lot of times, your partner will promise to change, but will make up excuses to not follow through. In many cases, they are truly incapable of changing.
If your girlfriend has a serious issue that is bothering you and she is refusing to or is incapable of changing it, then you will be much happier if you leave the relationship.
5. Is your self-esteem lower than before?
The biggest sign of being in a bad relationship is when your self-esteem starts to go down the drain. Couples fight, and a lot of times they say mean things to each other. But overall, a relationship should help you grow. If your partner disrespects you so convincingly that you’ve started believing you aren’t worth of being treated well, then you have a huge problem.
Do you think of yourself as less of a person than when you started this relationship? Do you really think you are growing? Do you think this relationship is starting to affect your self-esteem?
The worst part of being in a relationship that lowers your self-esteem is that you start relying on your girlfriend to feel better about yourself. And that makes you feel like you really love her, which just makes it that much harder to leave.
If you think you are in such a relationship, you are better off leaving the realtionship.
If you are in a relationship that has no hope, it’s better for both of you to end it. Your girlfriend, who might seem like the most unreasonable, irrational and downright crazy person at the moment, is actually just a normal person who is also stuck in a bad relationship. Leaving her will be painful for both of you, but in the end, you will realize that it was for the best.
On the other hand, if you decide to stay in the relationship, let her know that you are willing to work through all the problems together and you are in it for the long haul.