Are you a guarded person?
If you are, it’s going to be tough going to have true intimacy with your partner.
And what goes hand in hand with a feeling that you always have to be on guard is… fun tends to take a backburner.
Because you can’t relax enough to have fun. It can turn you into a fun “assassin.” A killjoy.
In this blog, I want to show you how to let go, relax, and become less guarded so you can rebuild intimacy. Read on…
Being On Guard Has Negative Consequences for your Relationship
Do you ever feel as if you need to stay in self-protective mode to prevent being hurt?
This is a common underlying thought that people who are on guard tend to have. If you find yourself driven by the desire to protect yourself from hurt, no doubt you have been hurt before. You may have vowed to yourself, “never again.”
What happens, though, is that your worldview can change. Subconsciously, you are on the lookout for perceived attacks—and may read them where there are none.
For example, your partner makes a comment to you that you perceive as a negative attack. You counter-attack and next thing, you’re in a big blow-up. But what if they were simply making an observation, and not deliberately trying to hurt you?
For a person on guard, they don’t hit the pause button and take the time to analyze the situation—they shoot first and ask questions later.
So what’s the effect on a partner?
They can become fearful of saying the wrong thing, and they will begin to walk on eggshells. It can lead to distancing, and that means your feelings of intimacy with your partner are going to stagnate—if not suffocate.
And more than likely, it means you and your partner aren’t having any fun, because everything has been covered in a veil of suspicion.
No intimacy… no fun… what should you do?
These next two tips should help you out…
2 Tips for Letting that Guard Down
You know yourself pretty well, right? And you know if you feel a bit guarded, fearful that your partner may hurt you.
If you feel you’ve gotten into the habit of being on guard, it’s time to undo the habit. The easiest way to do that is with these 2 tips:
Tip #1: Let Your Hair Down
It’s not so easy to tell someone, “Let your guard down” and then it just happens. There’s fear beneath the behavior. A person who holds fear often feels powerless.
An easier way to work into letting your guard down is to try something new with your partner, something that you’ll both enjoy. Keep an open mind that when you’re having fun, you should be pretty safe.
Tip #2: Plan a Positive Surprise
Think of something your partner loves to do and do it. Maybe take a day to explore something new or do an event that your partner will really enjoy. Do it even if it’s not something you’d normally be interested in.
You may be surprised yourself, when you find yourself thrilled when you see your partner’s response, and knowing that you are empowered to make positive changes in your outlook and in your relationship. My best to you in building intimacy through fun as you let down your guard.