~NEVER GIVE UP HOPE BECAUSE WHEN ALL ELSE IS LOST, HOPE IS ALL WE HAVE LEFT~
~JC Torpey
The Problem
A shy person will lack the confidence and not know what to say, do or feel when on a date, on the phone or even online at times. When you are dating someone who is overly shy, it can produce some seriously awkward moments and silences, no matter where you are or what you do. People such as these have a tendency to be very self conscious and are down on themselves most of the time, they berate themselves as well in many cases. However, it has been proven that shy people also have a tendency to want to over do things. For example, they might try too hard on a first date, coming up with a speech or an almost robotic way of walking or talking, just to make it look as if they have something to say. For teh most mart, it makes them look and feel awkward.
The Solution
A person who is very outgoing will have the ability to come up with whatever conversation is needed to continue through date night effortlessly. An outgoing person also has the ability to bring a shy one out and get them to open up effortlessly as well. While trying to get a shy person to come out of their shell may seem like one of the hardest things to accomplish, it really is not that difficult to do, as long as you know exactly what to do. So how do you manage this shyness and help the person you are dating to open up?
Small Talk
Small talk is not only a good conversation starter to fill in the gaps, but it is a great way to get someone to open up to you. For example, a girl that doesn’t talk much may be waiting for the right thing to say at just the right moment. If this is the case, the small talk the man provides may be just the perfect thing and enough to get her to open the flood gates of conversation. It is in there, you just have to tune into the right words at the right time. Do this by starting off with something about yourself, then try to turn the conversation to them. Clue yourself into your date’s cues as to what gets them to smile, and talk a little. Then try and continue in that direction of the conversation. Chances are you will finally hit something that your date will want to talk about and they will in waves.
Compliments
If you are meeting someone for the first time, such as the first face to face meeting after getting to know the person online, or if you are on a blind date and really are meeting someone for the first time, the tendency of both people is to be overly shy and protective of themselves. Many people fear that they will do or say the wrong thing, or they feel they don’t look nice enough, won’t walk right, etc. it enough to make anyone clam up quicker than a politician caught red-handed. No matter what the situation, a good placed compliment will get your date to open up as quick as they closed off. If you like the way your date looks, be honest and tell them. If you like the way they smell, do the same. A great compliment is, and has always been, just enough to get a person to get over shyness at just the right time.
The Perfect Questions
This is another great way to get someone to talk or to kill an awkward silence. When you ask a question, there is a right way and a wrong way to do so. The right way includes asking “How” and “Why” questions, and asking them at just the right time. The secret is to use them when you know your date is interested in something. For example, if your date is interested in a particular genre of movies, you would ask something like How does this movie end? Or Why does this character do what they do? If you can manage to find the perfect subject and pair it with the perfect question, you not only show interest in what they like, but you get them to open up with out knowing it.
The Results
In any of these situations, try to be careful and do not to put your date “on the spot” because this can actually make them clam up even more than usual. Try to forgo anything that you think might embarrass them or make them feel even more awkward in any way. Whatever it is that you do, it is best to try and get a shy person to come out of their shell. The basis of a relationship is trust and communication and if a shy person is so afraid of communication, it can spell out a load of trouble for the relationship itself.
