The Girls’ Guide to Booty Call Texting

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These days, technology can take you wherever you want to go. Plane tickets are booked online and GPS can help you get across the country with the touch of a button. Of course, your mobile phone can take you wherever you want to go, too. You don’t need a travel agent — a well-written text can be your one-way ticket to the bedroom.

But sending a text for a booty call takes finesse. Go too far, and you could crash and burn, turning your crush off and embarrassing yourself in the process. Play it safe and you may never leave the ground, while the super-confident chick with the overactive iPhone racks up the frequent flier miles with your man. Here are some navigational tips from our friends from Bentleysoflondon:

First, book your seat ahead of time. At 9 PM, you may still be doing your make-up, but realize that two cocktails from now, you’re going to want someone to be doing you. The earlier you can text, the better. You’ll make him feel like he’s your first choice, and it’s good to be on his mind before he’s committed to a location for the whole night. Plus, knowing you have someone waiting to get naked with you later will make your whole evening more fun and carefree. Always hit send before 1 AM — after that, he may be too tired or too drunk.

If it’s someone you don’t know very well or haven’t hooked up with yet, the early text is crucial. You don’t how much hassle he’ll give you. It’s like going through airport security. You need that extra time.

Speaking of airport security, try to follow the no-liquids rule. Sure, a few glasses of wine are going to give you the courage to text something naughty, but when you start slurring your texts, that’s what we call turbulence. If you must text when wasted, don’t openly state that you’re wasted! Girls think this is a quick way to turn a guy on and land a booty call. Ready and willing turns a guy on. About to pass out in a pool of your own vomit … not so much.

Comment on the scenery. If you’re at a bar or club, text him that you’re stuck talking to boring douchebags. And let him know that you’re in a really fun mood. Wink face.

Learn the local language and get his attention with some key words and phrases. If it’s a new thing: fun, feeling, thinking, see you, want, get, play, hot, cold, bored. If it’s a sure thing: you, me, horny, naked, touch, come, want to, on top, f***, my bed … you get the idea.

Do not use any of the words in the latter category if you aren’t sure this person is a booty call yet. You want to be direct, but if they don’t know you too well, toss in an “lol” to cover yourself.

If it’s someone you’ve hooked up with before, take the shortest route possible. See what he’s up to and then remind him, “We always have so much fun when we’re together.” Use a few key words and you’re golden. No one wants a layover when they’re trying to get their lay over.

If he seems resistant (responses like “I don’t know” or “I’m kinda tired”), don’t read this as “Please get more explicit.” Make a safe exit and back off immediately. When a guy’s not interested, it’s best to not whip out the camera phone.

The later it gets, the more shameless you will look. If you’re just intent on getting off the ground, a better strategy is to text several guys early in the night and hold out hope for your first choice. If you get him, it’s like a free upgrade to First Class! And if you end up with an ex, well, they still give out snacks in Coach, don’t they?

When it comes to booty calls, texting is the ticket. If you’re too drunk, too shy, or too desperate, it’ll be “May Day!” But keep your cool and be up front, and you’re sure to get your passport stamped.