There are certain things that us guys don’t want to hear in bed. The dreaded “Is it in yet?” springs to mind. However us guys are not the only ones who can be hurt by a tounge that has been let loose without due care. There are certain things that you should not say to a girl in bed, unless you really want her to gtfo double-quick.
Remember guys this is for comical purposes only. Take it with a pinch of salt and enjoy:
10 – “Gravity ain’t your friend.” (in reference to her taking off her top and showing you her saggy boobs)
Insulting a girl about her boobs is just not the thing to do. If a girl took the piss out of our manhood we wouldn’t be happy, and it’s the same with her boobs.
9 – “That was nice.”
Here’s the thing. A muffin is nice. Puppies are nice. Your own mother is nice. Sex should not be nice! It should be spontaneous, brilliant and the best you ever had! Not nice…
8 – “My ex never complained when I did it like that.”
No, she just left you.
7 – “That’s it, take it for Daddy.”
Unless your first name is Snoop, or you know she is into this sort of talk, be careful. Some girls could get really offended if you deliver this line with anything but a perfect playful authority. She wants to feel like a princess, not a whore.
6 – “From that angle you look just like my mum.”
Oh my god… wtf
5 “We should definitely turn the lights off.”
Implies that she is ugly, or you are very insecure. Either way, I don’t think she will be best amused.
4 – “Let’s make this quick, the game is about to start.”
Obviously you have got a Death wish. When you’re having sex, women want to feel like they are the centre of your universe. There’s nothing wrong with having other interest besides her, but not during sexy time.
3 – “It’s nice being in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate!”
It’s good to be honest, but some things are best left as secrets.
2 – “No, really… I do this part better myself!”
Ouch… harsh. Just imagine fingering a girl and think you are doing a great job. Then she suddenly stops you, removes your hand and says, “To be honest I can do this better myself”. That would hurt wouldn’t it…
1 – “You’re good enough to do this for a living”
Wow, you are saying she could be a prostitute. Every girl’s dream… oh wait, why is she running away after setting my house on fire!?!??
