4 Reasons Why You Should Or Shouldn’t Propose To Him (And Awesome Tips If You’ve Decided You Should)


While men are usually the ones that propose to their partners, Millennials and Gen Z folks are eschewing the common gender roles for something a little different. More and more, we’re seeing women taking responsibility for the proposal in their relationships. 

In this article, we’ll be talking about some of the top reasons why you should (or shouldn’t) propose to him. This year, we hope more wedding hashtags will read #HeSaidYes!

Why You Should Or Should Not Propose To Him

On the fence about whether or not to propose to him? Here are our top 4 tips about whether or not you should take the plunge and ask the question:

Extreme Differences In Your Core Values – Don’t Propose

Not everyone has the same core values, and these can be deal breakers. What are core values?

Core values are fundamental beliefs held by an individual. These’re highly unique to each person and, although they can change over time, you don’t want to spend too much time in your relationship trying to change your partner’s core values. It may even be impossible and lead to tension and arguments.

Here are some examples of core values in relationships:

  • Respect
  • Empathy
  • Commitment
  • Trust
  • Companionship
  • Accountability
  • Vulnerability
  • Loyalty
  • Religion
  • Communication
  • Lifestyle

Couples who share their core values tend to have more successful relationships. Why? Because a pair who can agree on these core values will have fewer contradictions later. When it comes to big decisions in your lives like how to live, the level of communication you each need, and even shared responsibility for household chores, it’s critical that you agree on these things.

Now, it doesn’t mean you have to see eye-to-eye on everything. More importantly, it’s about understanding where you each land on these core values. If you can compromise on some, that could work. Otherwise, you may find that you have big issues after you tie the knot.

Why You Should NOT Propose To Him

If you have any doubts on the agreement of your core values, you might not be ready to propose to him. If your boyfriend has a history of lying, making you feel bad for your values, or if you just like completely different things, it might not be a good match.

Sometimes they say opposites attract, but the reality is a little more complicated. It’s really about agreeing on your core values. That way, as you venture together through your life, you’ll never have to argue over the fundamental values that inform your decision making. Agreement on core values impacts everything, from what kind of house to buy together to how to raise children.

True Love (You Love Him to Bits) – Propose

Do you think he might be “the one”? Have you ever been in love before? If you’re wondering if what you’re experiencing is true love, here are some hints:

  • You make lots of time for him.
  • You feel euphoric in their presence.
  • When he’s in pain, you are, too.
  • You like hanging out with them (all the time).

Why You Should Propose

You should be aligned in other areas of your life, too. From your core values to sharing what your future could be. A strong, loving relationship is one of consideration for each other’s hopes and dreams.

Love is special. It’s important, and it deserves to be preserved. If you’re in true love and truly care about your man, propose to him.

How To Propose

Ready to take the next step? Here are 3 ideas on how to pop the questions!

  1. Say it With Sports: If your boyfriend is really into sports, why not work his passion into your proposal? You can get matching team jerseys, buy tickets to his favorite game, and pop the question during the match!
  2. Bond Over What You (Both) Love: Are you both really into Star Wars? Local beer? Camping? Whatever you are both into, work it into the proposal.
  3. Recruit Your Family: Include your friends and family in a surprise proposal. Maybe you’re just meeting up for drinks and dinner when you pop the question in the middle of dessert. Then, you can spend the rest of the evening celebrating with loved ones. 

Once you’ve popped the question, don’t forget to get your bachelorette hashtags ready!

Adherence To Gender-Role Traditions – Don’t Propose 

If one of his core values is adherence to traditional gender roles, then a proposal may not be right for you. 

Traditional gender roles vary from culture to culture but some are ubiquitous. For example, the idea that men are to be strong and have a leadership role in the home is a traditional gender role. For women: they should be polite, nurturing, and never aggressive.

Traditional gender roles may also say that women should obey their husbands and are responsible for taking care of the home and children. Meanwhile, men are meant to earn money and have less of a role within the home.

But these days, especially in westernized countries, men and women are sharing responsibilities differently. More men are staying home to take care of children and more women are choosing their careers over having a family. 

Why You Should NOT Propose

If you and your boyfriend strictly adhere to gender roles, he might not like you proposing. Why? Because traditionally, men ask women to get married. Your love might not like the fact that you’re taking over this responsibility. So, we suggest letting him be the one to pop the question.

Things are changing, though. Women proposing to their boyfriends are becoming more common, and importantly, more accepted. So, while your man may not be ready now, rest assured that it’s getting easier for women to take charge in this respect.

No Time To Waste – Propose

Ready to take this step…like today? Sometimes, time is not on our side. We might have goals we want to achieve: like being a parent before a certain age or moving across the country for a new job. Taking your relationship to the next level might be the way to start a new chapter in your life.

Also, older couples tend to wait less time to marry rather than a couple who meets in their late teens or 20s. Older couples just have less time to waste!

Why You Should Propose

Getting married is all about what’s right for you and your loved one. If time is not on your side, you’re in love, and ready to take this step, then propose!

Unfortunately, you might hear from some nay-sayers who will tell you to slow down. Maybe you’ve only been together a year. Or maybe you’ve been together for 10 years with no movement. Either way, everyone has an opinion. Just make sure you don’t let their words cloud your judgement. 

How To Propose

In a rush to pop the question but unsure just how to approach this monumental task? Try not to overthink it. Here are 3 casual proposal ideas to ask the love of your life to be your spouse:

  1. Go on a Picnic: Do you have a favorite park or spot in town where you and your man share special memories? We suggest planning a picnic with your favorite treats. When you get to the end of your meal, ask the question!
  2. At a Family Party: If your family has an event coming up for a holiday or just a simple get-together, why not pop the question there? That way, you can celebrate with your family once he has accepted. When you decide to do this, have a chat with the party’s host to make sure no one else is capitalizing on this day. You don’t want to overshadow someone else’s good news with your own.
  3. Upon Waking in the Morning: Loving someone means loving them every day. Show your love by popping the question first thing in the morning. You can just roll over and ask, or you can make breakfast in bed with a wedding ring as a napkin ring. It’ll be the ultimate surprise! And did we mention it’s super romantic? We love this idea for couples who really enjoy privacy. Not all couples want to have an audience when confessing their love (and we do not blame them).

Not every proposal has to be a spectacle. Our ideas are perfect for if you don’t have too much time to plan, but want to create a romantic moment.

At The End Of The Day, It’s About Listening To Your Heart

You could read all day about why you should or shouldn’t propose to him. But what you need to remember is that you’re the only one who can make that decision. If you and your boyfriend are aligned on your core values, your plan for the future, and the intensity of your love for one another, then you can pop the question without reservation.

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for Loveawake.com dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.