10 Places You Should Never Twitter From

It seems like every day there is a new story about someone getting into hot water for Twittering. Between the G-20 protesters who were arrested for sending Twitter updates, and the waiter who was fired for complaining about not getting a tip from a star of Hung (only in Hollywood, kids), it’s officially not safe to Tweet. In fact, studies show most companies ban Twitter use in the office. How else will my friends let me know that their second cup of coffee isn’t helping them wake up??

Is there no such thing as Twitter etiquette? I have an acquaintance who recently, wait for it, live-tweeted his wedding. Look, I’m certainly guilty of occasional over-Tweets. My girlfriend often calls me out for Twittering while shopping, at the park, or on the ferry to Martha’s Vineyard. (To be fair, I had to tell all my followers that I just saw Jim Belushi. You can see the urgency.) But at your own wedding? That’s where I draw the line.

So here are 10 places you should never Twitter from.

1. A funeral. (Acceptable only if the coffin is opened and your aunt/close friend/beloved pet’s body is missing. In that case, a few Tweets are understandable.)
2. Courtroom during a murder trial. (Particularly if you’re the one on trial. That’s just cold.)
3. Inside of the giant snake that has just devoured you.
4. On a yacht on the Riviera, right after the wealthy dowager accuses you of stealing her pearls.
5. Dangling from a helicopter, piloted by the Russian double agent who has stolen your heart and your briefcase full of nuclear launch codes.
6. In a back alley, after scoring some meth and/or bootleg Air Supply albums.
7. While telling your patient that the mole they were worried about isn’t benign.
8. Playing catch with your son, as the autumn moon sets and you suddenly realize that these are the precious moments that make life worth living.
9. Inside an underground bunker after the apocalypse, clutching a shotgun as the zombie hordes attempt to claw their way in.
10. On your boss’s desk, having sex with his new assistant

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