Here’s a collection of little bits and pieces that have been collecting on our desk and are not long enough for full article treatment:
“Guilt coffee”—what you agree to when you can’t say “no,” even when you know this is not a match.
“Don’t ask for anything that you can’t bring to the table, and beware of those who do.” Like good finances, youth and vigor, good health, basic truthfulness.
Especially on the first date, turn off your cell phone, pager or Blackberry and do not talk about you ex. Do not make or take phone calls, answer a page, or check or send emails during a date.
Act and dress your age, in other words, like an adult, and one who is on a date. Spare the flip flops and cutoffs.
Ask questions. You want to find out as much as you can about the other person. And people like it if you ask about them.
Be honest so that you can back up what you say later if you have to. While you shouldn’t be afraid to mention accomplishments, do not brag.
Be attentive and listen for clues about your date. You may need or be able to use them later.
Do not use a date as a confessional.
Not everyone is going to like you. In fact, at least 95% of people won’t. You don’t like everyone, do you? So why do you expect everyone to like you, or get upset when they don’t? Get real. And if everyone DID like you, you would be completely overwhelmed. Thank the universe for doing much of the sorting for you.
Know the expression “No pain, no gain”? In dating, it’s more like “No risk, no gain.” Falling in love means taking risks. Sometimes you get brusied. It’s part of the game. And then you are back to the pain part.
Dare to make the first contact. If you don’t, you will be limited to those few weho contact you first. You are much more likely to get what you want if you do the picking.
Try to get some distance on the whole “Looking-for-Love” business and not get too attached to the outcome. Particularly with specific individuals. Always send out multiple first contacts and do not allow yourself to get focused on one potential candidate. You have no idea if they will respond to you at all until they do, and even then, take your time.
You can’t win if you don’t play the game. And your chances are much better than winning the lottery.
Singles often lie or distort in an attempt to get an edge over others, to “get their foot in the door,” with someone who might otherwise not contact them. It’s a waste of time, because they are much more likely to get the opposite reaction: anger. People who discover they have been lied to feel tricked.
Have an exit strategy.
If you lie, you can’t complain that others do.