Ladies: 10 Ways to NEVER Get What You Want From a Relationship

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Sometimes getting relationships right is the hardest thing on earth, especially when friends, work and the Internet get involved. So many people are telling you what to do that you may have forgotten what not to do. Here are 10 tried-and-true ways to NEVER get what you want from a relationship:

1. Toss trust out the window. You heard me, your man is lying. All the time. So go through his email, check his phone records and, if possible, intercept the mailman. It’s the only way you’ll really know what’s going on.

2. Be a ‘Yes’ Girl. You saw that Jim Carrey movie Yes Man a couple years ago, right? When he couldn’t stop

saying yes to people? Well, that is exactly what guys want today, ladies. So start saying yes, keep your real opinion to yourself and always, always tell him he is 100 percent right. Who needs equality in a relationship anyway?

3. Brag about your exes. Especially if they had a lot of money, a high-profile career or an amazing family. That is exactly the right way to show your new guy how important you really are.

4. Let your girlfriends run your relationship. Hey, we all need our girlfriends to prop us up from time to time. That’s understandable, and if your guy doesn’t see just how important your girl friends are — especially their opinions about him, the relationship and your job — he just doesn’t get you.

5. Crack that whip. No, not literally, but let him know you’re in charge. Take control of the relationship and hold on tight. Tell him what to wear, where to go for dinner and how to conduct himself in his place of work. That way he knows how much you care.

6. Be late or stand him up. Who cares if you’ve made plans with him and have nothing else to do? Sometimes a guy needs to be kept guessing, and nothing will do that more than being late for a date or skipping out on the date entirely.

7. Make your guy your girlfriend. Tell him all about your lady-business, borrow his razor constantly and even share his toothbrush. Nothing says, “I love you,” more than communal hygiene products. Oh, and make him buy tampons every now and again.

8. Text, talk and email on your dates. Hey, he needs to know just how valuable you are. So keep talking to your girlfriends, text your work buddies and check email. Constantly. He’ll get the message that he’s not your No. 1 priority soon enough.

9. Be rude. To him, to waiters/waitresses, theater workers. Anyone you come into contact with, really, because what every guy wants is a high-maintenance, never-happy woman at their side.

10. Cheat. See rule No. 1. You already think he’s cheating, so no matter how great he is or how much potential you think this relationship has, cheat. Hey, at least you’ll have a little fun before your romantic world comes crashing down, right?

OK ladies, obviously this one is a little tongue-in-cheek. If you really want to get that next relationship right, take these 10 rules and flip them upside down. Don’t talk about your exes, do make your relationship a priority and do talk to your guy as if he has a few brain cells left. Be open, honest and trusting and see where that takes you.

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