Are You Waiting for Your Soulmate?


Let’s assume there is a soulmate and each person has one. Let’s say you live in California, are Catholic, Caucasian, and want to date or marry another Catholic–you wouldn’t dream of going outside your religion. Your “type” is blonde, tall, blue eyed WASP, and muscular, professional with a college education and a background similar to yours. You love shopping, spas, first class travel and the opera. You have always dreamed of living in a lovely 4 bedroom home with an ocean view.

Now let’s assume your soulmate lives in Kenya, is black skinned and a totally does not believe in God. This person is also short, over weight and has brown eyes, black hair, speaks no English and not at all someone you are attracted to. He or she lives in a small, rural  village, seeks out a living but has no formal education and can’t afford a car. He or she lives in a desert area hundreds of miles from the water and no one’s ever heard of a nail salon or day spa. Shopping is like visiting a local flea market and there is no upscale dining/shopping, and the nearest movie theater is 50 miles away in a larger city. Forget the opera.

What a dilemma! But this is your soulmate! Thousands of miles away and not at all what you envisioned. This is not the person you cut out of a magazine and put on your vision board. What do you do? Do you hop a plane and rush to this person because they are your soulmate or do you “settle” for someone who is not your soulmate but has more in common with you and can share a life with you that fits into what you both always wanted?

The fallacy of the soulmate search is that while we may “yearn” for our soulmate, he or she may not come in the package we want. There is no guarantee from the Universe that our soulmate meets our physical or earthly criteria. If you are a staunch Christian would you date or marry your soulmate if he or she were an Atheist? Meeting one’s soulmate is still no guarantee that things will work out and be perfect. There is no “happily ever after” clause or guarantee and no customer service number to call with complaints. If I am going to spend my life and my money trekking around the world searching for my soulmate, I want to see something in writing that guarantees I’ll get what I am looking for first.

Plus, did you ever consider this: Let’s say you meet your soulmate. What makes you so sure he or she would want to be with you? What if they are not spiritually evolved enough to overcome the trappings of this physical realm? How do you even meet someone if they take one look at you and decide you don’t fit the photos on their vision board?

If soulmates are those who have a soul connection, then the presumption is that we can override our earthly, physical, financial wants/needs/criteria in favor of finding “the one” who matches us on a soul level. The problem is, we live on a physical plane. We are influenced and attracted by sight, scent, emotion, touch, personality…Are you really ready and willing to say, “I don’t care if he has two heads, one leg and teeth growing out of his arm pits, if we are soulmates, I will love him!” and sincerely mean it? What if you meet your soulmate and he is a paraplegic in a wheel chair and you always dreamed of someone who will go snow boarding, water skiing and rock climbing with you? After all, Illness, accidents and other physical things can happen to our soulmates while we are waiting for them.

Since there are more average and non attractive people in the world compared to the numbers of outrageously handsome and beautiful people in the world, what would you be willing to settle for in the looks department? What if you soulmate just didn’t do it for you chemistry wise?

The media has a tendency to perpetuate stories born of myths. According to Theosophy, whose claims were modified by Edgar Cayce, God created androgynous souls, equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred karma while playing around on the Earth, or “separation from God”. Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate. (From Wikepedia). How often do we see boy meets girl, conflict occurs, one must clear karma or overcome a seemingly insurmountable issue or task before they can live happily ever after? Is it reality? Or is it a good story that sells tickets, makes us cry and yearn for such intense soulmate connection, and gives us all hope that once we find it, love will conquer all and our broken hearts will finally be healed? Are we really looking for a soulmate, or are we really just searching for love that will heal us?

Is having just a “soul” connection enough? If you are holding out for your soulmate, then what are you doing to find him or her? Can you afford to travel around the world and meet everyone? Don’t assume your soulmate is in your neighborhood, city, state, country. What age range do you think your soulmate is in? What if they are much older than you and you only like younger mates? What are you doing to improve yourself as a person so that if you do meet your soulmate they will be attracted to you? Or do you think they should be able to transcend the physical realm and want you simply because you are “soulmates” while you are not willing to accept him in any package less than what turns you on?

I know a man in his 60s, never married, says he won’t marry till he finds his soulmate. Well, since he only dates women under 35, how likely is he to find her? She may be in her 60s too, but since he refuses to meet or date women that age, he may have already missed her. I think he uses this as an excuse not to get close to a woman. Plus, he really has nothing to offer anyone. He is a narcissist and not very kind. Would his soulmate be an unkind narcissist, too? I doubt he would go for her if she was.

Interesting stuff to ponder. And it could take a lifetime of searching to find “the one.” And then again, there is no guarantee that they would want you.

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.