5 Steps to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back


Even though everyone might be telling you to just forget him and move on, sometimes, you just can’t let go of a relationship that easily. Sometimes, you know that your relationship with your ex boyfriend is worth giving a second chance. Sometimes, you know you just have to get your ex boyfriend back.

This step-by-step guide will show you exactly how to do that.

Step 1 – Taking Control Of Yourself

As soon as you hear the dreaded news, you mind goes into overdrive and you try all the desperate ways of winning him over. These extremely ineffective and unattractive ways include (but are not limited to):

  • Begging
  • Pleading
  • Being needy
  • Calling/texting him constantly
  • Telling him how much you need/love him
  • Telling him you can’t live without him

The first step you need to take is to step back and stop doing anything that shows him your neediness. It’s extremely unattractive and it’s only going to push him away. Every time you call him to tell him how much you love everything about him, or you text him that you miss his smell, you are indirectly telling him that you are miserable without him. And that’s just going to make him less attracted to you. We all know men want what they can’t have so don’t beg.

Step 2 – Stop All Communication

The next step is to stop all communication with your ex boyfriend. That means no calls, no text, no Facebook messages, no IMs, no tweets, and no talking through mutual friends.  You have to go cold turkey on communication with your ex. This is going to serve dual purpose.

  1. You are instantly going to become less needy in your ex boyfriend’s eyes. This will not only give him a chance to miss you, he will also start wondering why you are not contacting him. The moment he realizes that you don’t need him he is going to start second-guessing his decision.
  2. It will also give you some time to work on yourself and become a happier person. A breakup, despite being a horribly painful abomination, is also a wonderful opportunity for growth. And once you stop contact with your ex, you will eventually find the mental peace and energy to work on yourself and grow.

Step 3 – Take Care Of Yourself And Analyze Your Relationship

Even though all you want to do is curl up on the couch and eat that big tub of ice cream you had been saving up for a situation like this, you must learn to take care of yourself.

Don’t expect to feel instantly better after you stop communication with your ex. You have to give yourself some time to grieve. But soon, you will realize that things are starting to get better. Soon, you will be able to go through the day without obsessing over him for hours.

Learn to make healthier choices in life and do things that are good for you. Things like working out, eating healthy, yoga, mediation, a relaxing spa, shopping with friends, the list is endless. You have to use this time to learn to be happy in your life without your ex boyfriend. When you realize you don’t need your ex to be happy, you will instantly become much more attractive. Heck, maybe you will even realize that you no longer even want to win your ex back.

This is also a good time to analyze the relationship and realize what went wrong. If you want to start a relationship that already ended, then you better be sure that it’s going to last a long time. What’s the point of getting him back if you two break up again? You have to figure out what went wrong with the relationship.

Whatever went wrong, do you think it’s something that can be fixed? Do you think you can work on the problems that you will face when you get back together? Do you think your ex boyfriend will be willing to work on the relationship instead of bailing on you again? In the end, you are the only one who can decide whether or not it will be worth it. After all, the relationship ended for a reason. And unless you have a better reason to start it again, you shouldn’t.

Step 4 – Contacting the Ex Boyfriend

After you’ve gone without any contact with your ex boyfriend, it’s time to contact him. How do you know if it’s a good time to contact him? For one, you should be feeling much better in your life then you were when he broke up with you. You should have probably realized by now that you don’t need him to be happy in your life. Which means you are making a conscious decision that you want him, but you don’t need him. If so, then you are ready to make the contact.

You can give him a call or even text him. But when you do, you better make sure you don’t come off as the needy, desperate, and crazy ex girlfriend that you were when he broke up with you. You have to be the true you. You know, the confident, sexy, smart, witty and fun person that any boy would love to be with.

Try to avoid talking about your past relationship. You don’t want to give him the impression that you want to get back together, at least not yet. He broke up with you and if you hint that you still want to get back with him, he might just put his defenses up and put you back in the desperate, needy, and crazy ex girlfriend category.

Step 5 – Dating Your Ex

After you’ve built enough attraction with him, it’s time to start dating your ex boyfriend. If you did everything right till now, then your chances of getting back together are pretty solid.

The key is to keep things slow, but the most important thing you can do is to not sleep with your ex until you are officially back together. You don’t want him to suggest that you both become FWB. And trust me, if you sleep with him without any commitments, he will suggest it.

When you do get back together, make sure that he is not walking all over you. A lot of girls end up agreeing to ridiculous demands from their ex boyfriend just to be with them. Do not be a doormat. Remember, you don’t need your ex boyfriend, you just want him. And even if you don’t get your ex boyfriend back, you are still going to have an incredible, awesome and fulfilling life.

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for Loveawake.com dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.