Good Guys Can Come In First


I know, I know, you probably don’t need this information but there are heaps of men who do, I promise you, They go about finding a date or potential new relationship all wrong. They read articles by guys who say only the shits or bad boys get the women and it’s not true!! What these men are doing (aside from what they think they’re doing) is paying attention to what the woman is looking for and treating her as the special creature she is.

Nobody wants you to bow down before her highness, especially me. Here’s the deal. Too many men think that it’s difficult to understand a woman. It’s really easy. We want to feel valued in your presence. We want to know that our opinions and ideas have merit just because we have them. We’re sick of “what do you know, you’re only a _______?” Fill in the blank with whatever job she might have. We don’t want to hear, “here, give me that, I’ll do that for you,” unless it’s a cockroach the size of a volkswagen. We don’t want you to solve our problems for us but we want you to listen while we air them out loud. If we need a solution, we’ll ask for it.

So find a site that treats you with respect and fits your lifestyle and desires and write an ad that talks about you and what makes you special. If you have SPECIFIC requirements that you will not negotiate on, put them in your profile or ad, otherwise leave it all about you. An example of a specific requirement might be that you don’t want a smoker, she must have red hair, she must not be taller than 5′ 7″. These might be things that you’ve determined you will not compromise on. Upload a real photo of yourself – a photo taken within the past year. A smiling face with your dog works best and a photo between your belly button and thigh is NOT gonna rake in crowds of women. We know what they look like and we couldn’t pick you out of a crowd to save our lives.

Once you have your profile/ad written & photo uploaded, start searching the profiles and write to every woman – that’s right, every woman – who comes close to meeting your requirements. Forget about location, hair color, astrological sign unless it’s of utmost importance. You’re seeking someone special and you might have to look hard to find her. My husband looked 10,000 miles to find me 14 years ago and he’d do it again, so distance is not a problem that cannot be overcome.

Now that you’ve written your 20 emails a day you’ll be getting replies. Look up her profile or ad and photo and see if you think you’d be comfortble with her. If she’s a maybe, write back but reply to what she wrote to you. Don’t have a cookie cutter reply or it’s all over. Remember, she wants to feel valued in your presence. Answer what she wrote and then ask a question. She’ll answer that question and ask another and you will answer.. you get the idea.

Then, if nature has taken its course (and it always does) you’ll move on to a phone conversation and then a meeting in a public place just for coffee and then on to a full date. It does work. It’s worked for me personally and it’s worked for my friend Julie and my daughter got married a few weeks ago to the man she met on our website at

If you try this, let me know if it works for you? I know it’s worked for lots of other guys.

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Sarah is the Senior Editor of a site that empowers women to take chances, build confidence and find love by incorporating flirting into their daily routines. A scifi junky, addicted to tattoos and Joyce Carol Oates, she is currently relocating to Seattle.