What’s in a Kiss?


Sigmund Freud surmised that it’s “the sexual use of the mucous membranes of the lips and mouth”. (Now this information doesn’t match MY experience in kissing!)

If you’re like me, it’s an idea of what might come from a relationship with this person, sexually speaking. If the first kiss is soggy, smelly or sloppy, there’s no hope for the rest of the relationship. There are bad kissers in both genders from the mail I get.

Why do we practice the act of kissing?

Do we do it for cultural reasons? Is kissing biological? Is it something we instinctively know how to do? Or is it something that can be learned?

Some anthropologists hypothesize that kissing is something we learned thousands of years ago from the prehistoric way mothers used to feed their children. Others say kissing is instinctive citing the way animals kiss each other after a dispute, or smooch in order to develop a social bond with one another.

The definition proffered up by online dictionary Wikipedia, and the one I like best is this: “Kissing is what allows prospective mates to smell and taste each other’s pheromones for biological compatibility”.

When the object of our affection leans in to smell and taste our pheromones, we all want to know what exactly their smooch really means. Is it a “friends-only” passionless peck? Does it spell “I love you”? Or is it the “I-want-to-take-you-right-now” Hollywood-type smooch?

According to kissing-expert Amir Zoghi, co-author of 101 Kisses: And What They Really Mean, you can discover exactly what their tongue is saying by closing your eyes and listening carefully to the sounds that emanate.

“Your partner’s breathing, touching and sounds that they make is all communicating to you on just what they are feeling,” Zoghi explains to me in an email. “Your heartbeat, your body temperature and the butterflies in your gut is all indicators to yourself on how you feel about the kiss.”

So, if you feel your blood rushing, hands wandering and a deep, strong kissing sensation, you’ve just been on the receiving end of what Zoghi defines as the “Seductive Kiss”.

“This is an essential lead up to some unforgettable foreplay, which can then lead to even better love making,” he says. “When this kiss is on target, the rest takes care of itself, as if it is a force of nature.” Sounds good to me.

So practice makes perfect. If you haven’t got someone to practice with, make sure your ad is up to date and you’ve got a good photo and then write to everyone you think might have great lips and a mind and body to go along with them!

Need help in the kissing department? Here are 50 different kisses to learn so you never get boring!

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for Loveawake.com dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.