Finding Your Feet Again After Divorce – Welcome Back to the Dating Scene!


It’s normal to feel anxious and apprehensive when you’ve been out of the game for a while, so start improving your chances by playing the online dating game like a pro!

Jumping right back into the dating scene after divorce sounds easy and exciting. But the ‘thinking’ and the ‘doing’ are two different challenges you’ll need to come to terms with.

Over-coming self-doubt plays a big role in re-inventing your dating and social life. Feeling self-conscious and fear of rejection are your biggest enemies and biggest challenges for finding your feet again after divorce. And there’s every chance the dating rules have changed whilst you’ve been married and out of the game for so long.

Planning and mindset are your two greatest allies in getting this right. Some of the greatest mistakes new singles make is thinking they ‘need’ to rush out and start hooking up immediately. Just hold off, let’s be smart about it. Having irrational thoughts when you are hurting could only make the pain more devastating when you realise your first hook up after the split didn’t heal the pain.

Get back into the dating game the right way with these tips.

  1. Make sure you’re ready

The breakup is done and dusted. Although you’re not completely over your ex, you’ve spent a good deal of time mourning the end of your after past relationship and you’re starting to feel hopeful and ready to start meeting new people. You realise you’re not alone after all.

According to the Centre for Disease Control (CDC), 3.2 people per 1000 is the current divorce rate. However, your road to recovery and self-discovery requires you to be making sure you are taking steps everyday to change your life. Quite possibly the biggest milestone you need to overcome is feeling comfortable in your own skin and not caring what other people think.

What steps are you taking to improve your health, fitness and nutrition? These self-help considerations are crucial for maintaining your mental, physical and overall well-being.

Keep exercising, keep healthy, stay strong.

  1. Investing time in your online dating profile

Your online dating profile is your personal brand which sets the scene for one of two outcomes:

  • Catastrophic failure where your self-belief implodes all over again, or
  • You start seeing positive signals from other singles you’re interacting with.

So, what’s it going to be?? 

Your profile photo needs to deliver a knockout punch! It needs to be significant enough that your click through rate is higher than your competition. Yes, a competition. How do you win any competition? By winning!

  • Don’t use group photos.
  • Don’t be sexually suggestive.
  • Don’t wear sunglasses.
  • Don’t look like a poser.
  • Don’t use a photo if it’s the morning after a big night out.
  • Do use a full-body photo.
  • Do use a photo being on holidays with great scenery.
  • Do show your natural smile.
  • Do make sure there is great lighting.
  • Do show off an adventure you’ve had.
  1. Get to know the dating scene

The dating rules and technologies are changing constantly. If you’re fresh and brand new in the game after a recent split, jumping back into dating feels like a shark tank. You have video dating sites, a dating app for this, and dating app for that, photo sharing sites, text chat platforms and chat rooms for dating are just some of the tools at your disposal.

The bar scene, blind dates or fixups seem like a pastime. Internet dating and social media is where it’s at and the rules have changed. Computers and matchmaking algorithms replace the need for awkward face to face pickup lines. A simple ‘hey’ or virtual wave from your favourite messaging tool can land you a date these days (quite often a bad date) and without the need for any human interaction. Which may sound like good news if you’re single. But the problem is, the competition is so fierce out there you are literally just a number thus the importance in standing out from the crowd.

  1. Don’t tell lies in your dating profile

According to eharmony, research suggests that the single biggest complaint by both men and women who use online dating sites is having to deal with people who post untrue or inaccurate information in their dating profile.

Why does this problem exist? To attract people. However, there is always a deeper reason people do this. Sadly, it simply means that people who lie in their dating profile believe they don’t consider themselves appealing enough as they are. The thing is, they distort the truth and make themselves more attractive and more interesting than they really are so others will want to get to know them.

When the truth comes out, both parties feel discouraged with the entire concept of online dating. Both men and women consistently lie about their height, weight, financial status and income. With either of these points, you are only delaying the inevitable, your dates will uncover the truth so save everyone some time, be your real self and show some resilience and patience.  If you hate your job, for example, tell the truth when you’re discussing your career. As an example, “for work right now I’m doing [insert job title] but ideally I’d love to be doing [insert your plans and goals here].

The bottom line when it comes to finding your feet and dating again after divorce is: Make sure you’re ready, invest time in your well-being and health, get to know the dating scene and what options are out there and be your true self when meeting other singles.