Stop Beating Yourself Up Because You’re Single


We live in a world that obsesses over the “In A Relationship” status.

Walk down the street. There’s a billboard for the latest Romantic Comedy. Change channels on TV. What’s that? Oh, it’s a couple doing cute, couple-ly things. Aw. Ask your friend for a book recommendation. It’s the latest romance novel that’s set during the summertime and features at least one life-or-death situation. What a surprise.

From the moment you get up in the morning till the moment your head hits the pillow at night, it’s almost impossible for you to not run into some form of media that screams, “IF YOU’RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP, YOU’RE MISSING OUT!” In other words, how could we not feel lonely and dejected when we are constantly confronted by our own singleness and its (supposed) pitfalls?

Very rarely do we see any form of media that displays singleness in all its glory. We never hear about the books, movies, or television shows that proudly showcase a single guy or girl living a happy and fulfilled life.

Growing up, I religiously enjoyed anything of the Romance genre. I was a proud supporter of Nicholas Sparks and all his projects. I loved, loved, LOVED the edited fairy tales with happy endings. And yes, I even became a walking encyclopedia for Rom-Com references.

But, when you grow up and begin to realize that life isn’t one big Romance novel, filled with love and happiness and cupcakes, life becomes one big question: Why aren’t I in a relationship? And I going to be single forever? Does “forever alone” apply to me? Where’s the bad boy that’s going to change his ways just for me?

Yes, these are the questions that I ask myself whenever I am blatantly confronted with my own relationship status (or lack thereof). And, let me tell you, this is not at all fun.

That’s why I decided to come up with some reasons as to why being single isn’t as bad as the world makes it out to be.

You Aren’t Actually Single

The word “single” implies that you are all alone. Look around. Even though you’re not in a relationship, don’t you have family, friends, loved ones? Don’t you have people that love you and depend on you?

All along, I thought that being single meant that I was solitary, lonely. But now, I realize that I have so many other relationships to look forward to in my life. I have amazing family members, wonderful friends, and downright awesome supporters in my life.

Instead of focusing on my lack of a certain type of relationship, I plan to focus more on the various types of relationships that I do have.

Now Is the Time to Learn to Love Yourself

I will be the first to admit this: I am not in a relationship because I don’t have a solid relationship with myself. I don’t fully love myself, yet.

Knowing that I haven’t reached a certain level of self-love, I can see my lack of a romantic relationship to be a blessing. After all, what’s the point in trying to love someone else when you cannot even love yourself?

Instead of constantly worrying about the fact that I don’t currently have a significant other, I am going to take this time to be more loving and accepting of myself. I am going to learn to love myself, so that way, when I am in a relationship, I will know what I want and what I deserve.

Good Things Take Time

We all dream about those unconventional romances, the ones where we just bump into a cute guy/girl at a coffeeshop and – boom – that’s it. True love.

Although this makes a wonderful daydream, that’s all it really is: a dream. Realistically, good relationships take time. Great relationships take even more time. And life-long relationships, they take up, well, people’s entire lives.

Everything happens at a certain time and place for a reason. Just think back – remember when you got your first job? When you made your first friend? Didn’t it happen when you least expected it? Yet, didn’t you walk away from it learning something important?

It’s the same with relationships. They happen when we least expect it, but when we are most ready to welcome another person into our lives.

There Is Much More to Be Grateful For

Sometimes, we tend to focus too much on what we don’t have. We look longingly at the rich and famous, people who have bigger houses, shinier cars, and heavier wallets. We work hard so that we can afford the things that we want, the things that we don’t currently have.

That’s why, when you’re single and all you see is couples holding hands – having something that you don’t have – it’s almost impossible to not want that.

If we are always focusing on the relationship that we do not have, that makes it impossible for us to realize just how lucky we truly are. Right here, right now.

Look around you right now. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have running water? Shoes with soles? Are you currently reading this on a computer? Did you eat nutritious food today? Are your clothes keeping you warm as winter approaches?

My guess is: you have quite a lot to be grateful for. So, next time you start thinking about the fact that you’re not currently in relationship-mode, remember that you have a life filled with wonderful things, things that many other people in this world would covet above all else. You have a life that is full of meaning and full of people that remind you that you’re not alone.