Perfectly Lonely


Society, movies, TV,  friends, and family put so much effing pressure on being single, especially if you are a woman. It’s almost like if you’re single over 30, you have some sort of disease or something must be wrong with you. Maybe you are just smart enough or lucky enough to never have gone too far into a life with someone knowing it is all just going to blow up in the end anyway. Nothing is wrong with waiting to find the elusive “one” whatever or whoever they may be.

To be in a successful relationship, people tend to forget that they have to be happy with themselves, in order to be happy with someone else. So if you are still unsure or unhappy about who you are, or are not in the right state of mind and not even putting yourself as a priority, don’t bother wasting the time or hurting the feelings of someone who is trying to make you a part of their life.  That applies to friendships as well as intimate relationships.”

I guess I am finally out of LA-LA land and realize that “the ones who adore you and show you unlimited amounts of love, are also the ones who smother us and make us feel like we can’t breathe” then there are “the ones who are not sure enough of themselves, so they hold back almost all emotion and love that they feel towards you, leaving you starving for their affection and feeling emotionally disconnected”

So where is the happy medium, the one who is not afraid to tell and SHOW you that you are a big part of his life, without choking you with his over romantic/stalker ways… Too much of anything is too much, (unless it is Ryan Gosling, he can choke me with anything, any day, all day long) He or she is out there, they are the ones that are perfectly lonely, who understand themselves, and understand what it really takes to love another. This includes knowing how to integrate you into their life without making you feel like you are a helpless princess, a chore, or hardly worthy of holding their hands, (you know the ones that think you should be kissing their ass for allowing you to date them.) Run from this guy, he will never make you feel special or good enough.

Goals to a happy relationship: 

  1. Love yourself for all you are, good and bad
  2. Find someone who loves himself for all he is good and bad
  3. Love each other for all you are individually and together, the good and the bad. 

So until the one comes along who wants to add happiness and love to your life, try to focus on being alone and being completely happy with it. Below are qualities and traits of Happy Singles.

  •  Aren’t obsessed with having kids or being married

Let’s be honest, the majority of us women want to be married and be a mommy. It is part of our DNA much as banging as much booty as they can, is wired into the DNA of men. But obsessing about marriage, planning your wedding before you even have a potential mate, talking about it non-stop and scaring away boyfriends with your wedding/children timeline is only making the odds of you having these things lower.  If having a child is that much of an issue, and you don’t want to wait, there are other ways of having a child without the husband or man. I personally would not want to go on this journey alone, but some women prefer it.

Remember, things we chase seem to run faster away from us.

  • Are health conscious, believing exercise and a healthy diet give them balance and boost self-esteem.

Workout, get your blood flowing, release those feel good hormones and look hot.  Be healthy for you, not to meet a man. Eating right, exercise, and being overall healthy aides in not only optimal health, but your self-esteem, the way you carry yourself, and the way you feel about yourself. Being healthy and confident can attract a healthy and confident man.

  • Love themselves and take full responsibility for their bad choices.

Stop blaming others and assuming  your life sucks because of what other people have done to you “boo you whore” get over it, we can’t control the actions, words, or feeling of others, but we can control how we let it affect us and our life’s.

We do have control over our worlds, emotions, feelings, and choices. So never hold back or live life in a fog of un-happiness, based off of the past. You have the power and choice to walk away from anyone who doesn’t deserve to be there as well as the strength to get over what is in the past.

  • Never compromise their standards.

People do this in desperation, unless you have a laundry list of ridiculous expectations of a mate, never compromise or settle for someone who is “good enough” and to be clear, I am not speaking in terms of materialistic things. Never compromise your standards as far as the type of man you want in the ways he treats you, speaks to you, children, and your family and how he shows his love.

  • Are not content with what they accomplished yesterday but are always looking forward to what’s next.

This is not meant as never enjoy the moment and always strive for more and never relax and enjoy your current accomplishments and life. It means the same as being “content with someone who is good enough” only you know what you can accomplish in your life and only you know how to get there. It is up to you to put in the work, which means striving to always be the best you can, when a man comes along who helps you to be, and also sparks an even bigger flame in you to be a better person, you may have found the one.

  • Live life to the fullest, treating strangers with kindness, are optimistic about everything and have a zest for life.

Others gravitate towards the ones who make them smile, laugh, and who are overall happy. Why is this?…  In the scheme of things, we all just want to be happy; and kind hearted, loving, caring, positive people are inspiring to be around.

  • Don’t define themselves by how much money they earn or their level of education.

How annoying is it to be around someone who constantly reminds you how much money they make or what kind of car they drive?.. Great, good for you Mr. Materialistic; your Benz is sweet, but your heart is black… Congrats on all your success Mr. Lonely!  Not saying all men with money and nice cars are this way, just the ones that define themselves by what they have on the outside as opposed to the inside.

Having a nice car and expensive suit does not make you any better than the guy next to you driving a Honda and wearing Express, in fact they are usually more down to earth, more fun to be around, and work just as hard.

  • Understand the difference between being religious and being spiritual.

Regardless of what religion or non-religion you claim to be. Educate yourself on why you decide to be this and what it actually means to you and not just because someone told you that you should believe what they do. Believe in what you feel and be open to others feeling on Jesus, Buddha, or Cupcakes (I pray to red-velvet)

  • Associate with other happy and positive people.

Self-explanatory, they make you feel happy.

  •  They have mastered the art of being alone.

Meaning they can entertain themselves without moping around all sad about why no one wants to be around them. Obviously you are entitled to miss the people you care about when you go an extended amount of time away from them, but overall know how to enjoy the silence (Depeche Mode has a point).

I personally love being in an empty, quiet house and have never had a problem being alone, I like myself, so I don’t mind spending time with me.  Start looking forward to spending Friday night curled up with a good book and a glass of wine, or a basketball game on television and a cold beer.

  •    Stay Social

It might sound obvious, but while spending some time alone is enjoyable, too much of it and you risk becoming lonely. To avoid turning into a conversation mugger,  those people so desperate for social contact that they befriend strangers at supermarket checkouts,  break up all that lovely alone time with regular visits to family and friends.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. – He’s just not that into you

As much as I would love to have the “sweep me off my feet” love and romance that so few of the lucky ones get to experience, I am content with the reality that it may never happen for me. In no way am I giving up and throwing in the towel. In fact, I know more than ever, and am so aware of the type of relationship I know I could flourish in. I am ready for it, I know who I am, what I want, where I am going, and most importantly I know my worth. I am a top priority in my life; you have to be, because no one else can love you as much as you can…