What Makes or Breaks A Relationship?
What a person wants most form a relationship is to love and be loved. The problem is, however, that these days, that loving feeling and the actions that go with it, just don’t seem to be enough anymore. There are other things to consider when starting, or continuing a relationship. Things like financial security and independence, good health and one’s general well-being are other things that make a healthy relationship go ’round. These days, the relationships based solely on love seem to be the ones right up there with the abuse ones and others ending in divorce. This begs the question, why is love just not enough anymore?
A Person Needs to First Know Love to Know if It Is Enough
When a person is in a relationship seemingly just for the material things, or if they are in it for something other than the feelings one has for another, love is almost no where to be found. The problem is, in a relationship such as this, a person will never know what love is to have the ability to say whether or not it is enough to keep the relationship going. These relationships actually have a tendency to work rather well, unfortunately, as both parties seem to get something out of the fact they are both mutually benefiting form the relationship in some way. This just goes to prove the point anyway, love just isn’t enough and in a case like this, love is non-existent, yet the relationship works anyway.
But this type of mutually befitting relationship is is not love. While it may work in the manner described, the people in these types of relationships probably have absolutely no idea what love really is in the first place. So they go on with these things they benefit from in the relationship and pretend it is love they are feeling, when in reality it is a hole they are filling with the material things instead of the love they deserve. If they could just push past this feeling and try to see a bit further down the road, they just might find the love they need, after all else is had.
The Other Needs in a Relationship
So, if love isn’t enough, then what is? That is the big question that really makes everyone wiggle in their seats. Because everyone knows that love is SUPPOSED to be enough, so when the truth finally comes out that it’s not, it makes people uncomfortable. You see, the relationship I described above isn’t too far off from reality. There are other particular needs that must come first, before love can even be thought of, let alone felt by someone.
For example, there are physiological needs, the need of safety and security, sexual needs and the need to belong somewhere with someone, respect and esteem needs, and the need for self actualization. But what do any of these have to so with a relationship and love? They are the foundation in which the love gets built on. The love is just a compliment to these other needs.
The physiological needs are air, water and food. This is an obvious one, of course. Without nay of these, no one can survive. Then safety and security, everyone wants the feeling of being able to come home to someone they can trust to keep them safe, in their home and in the surrounding neighborhood. Without this feeling of safety, everyone gets to be on their toes constantly, which can make for quite a jittery and jumpy person. Imagine how you would feel not feeling safe in your own home. Those of you reading this who have been robbed in the past know exactly what I am speaking about, don’t you?
As for sexual needs, everyone needs release at some point or another. Not only to work off tension, but to start a family as well at some point in their life. That goes equally for the need to belong somewhere with someone. Feeling like your home is yours, or feeling pride for the neighborhood you live in give a sense of being that is indescribable.
The need to feel they are respected by others is a great one. This contributes to a person’s self-esteem which in the long run, if it is damaged in some way early on in life, can damage a person’s future. Self respect is equally important because if a person does not respect themselves, then how are they going to command the respect of others?
The need to be happy with oneself is a must. Self actualization is such a profound part of life, a person who is not ultimately and fundamentally happy is doomed to forever fail at anything, and everything they attempt to accomplish, including love and any relationships they may find themselves in.
These things have been scientifically proven, ever since way back in 1943, when Abraham Maslow wrote “A Theory of Human Motivation,” and he outlined his belief of the “Hierarchy of Human Needs,” and outlined exactly what you just read above. And there have been many studies done since then, but the point I am making is that even back then, it was a fact of life that love just wasn’t enough to get by within a real, meaningful relationship.
What if Love Is All here Is?
Well, to put it simply, it can’t be the only thing! You see, there is much more to a relationship than love. Although it might feel like love is the only thing that exists between two people, the truth of the matter is there is much more to a relationship than just love in itself. Believe it or not, love being the only thing just isn’t possible. Think about it, most of the things described above, are taken for granted my most of us every day of our lives. It is when all the other stuff is pushed out of the way, or fulfilled in some other manner, then and only then can love finally start to really set in. But real love, not some superficial, “I want to be with you tonight” love, no. I am talking about the kind of love that creates dreams and real marriages that last a lifetime.
In the end it really comes down to how you feel about yourself. Because the old saying that, “If you don’t love yourself, you can never love another person,” is true. And it has been proven time and time again by people in relationships all over the world. Stop and take the time to know yourself before attempting to settle down with another person in your life. Really get to know yourself because the more you know and love yourself, the more you will be open to loving another. And this process will make it easier to find love, as a matter of fact, I can almost guarantee that if you take the time to stop for a bit and get to know yourself better, love will find its way to you in the end. It’s as easy as that, this I promise you. So love and respect yourself, and the love of another will come naturally.
