Everyday someone is going through a breakup or thinking about an ex love that they lost. And everyday someone does something so stupid trying to get their ex back that it instead drives them farther away instead of closer to them.
Sometimes a break up is for a good reason and reconciliation should not even be attempted but sometimes the breakup is over a misunderstanding or a petty issue that quickly seems like the stupid thing it is shortly after the break up. So how do you fix the problem and get back together?
Well your mind should be thinking about what to avoid doing before it thinks about anything else because the first things we think of doing are acting on our instincts.
Acting on our instincts can be a good thing for many situations like when we run away from danger or duck to avoid getting hit by a flying object but trying to get an ex back is not one of those times that our instincts are going to help us.
One of our first instincts is to see what the other person is doing at every minute of every day. But if you think you feel like a crazy stalker imagine what your ex is thinking.
Stalking your ex doesn’t’ do you any good. In fact it can make you more miserable trying to figure out why they are hanging out with a certain person or why they said what they said.
In this day and age we don’t just have the option of hiding behind bushes and following them on their travels. Now we have the Internet to help us keep tabs on them while we can’t be there to watch them. We watch what their statuses say.
We scrutinize their pictures to figure out exactly what’s going on in them. We even watch what their friends are doing to see if there’s a clue to what our ex is doing. So now we are not only stalking our ex we are stalking their friends!
Not only does questioning what they are doing drive you nuts but it makes you want to act on other instincts like calling them all the time to let them know what you are thinking.
When you are continuously phoning and crying or yelling, you’re coming off as desperate and no one wants back a desperate ex. You look weak and your ex has a power over you because you have nothing to offer them while they seem to have everything to offer you.
It does not create the right frame of mind for them to want to get back together in the relationship and it pushes them away farther than they already were.
If you want to win someone you love back then you have to be patient, you do not want to be too anxious. The reason this is so hard to do is because you are used to being together all the time and being able to talk all the time.
It’s extremely hard to deal with when you abruptly don’t have that connection anymore and it can easily turn into desperate calling and harassing. As hard as it is you have to stay calm and not give into the thoughts that you have to know what they are doing at every moment of the day.
You need to get yourself on equal playing ground with them so that you both see each other through the same eyes.
After the breakup you need to try to keep yourself active with your friends, family, and activities you like doing. This helps keep your mind off your ex and also helps you avoid the enticement to call or contact them.
Getting together with one person is okay but getting together with a large group of friends is an even better idea. The larger group dynamic means more activity going on around you which helps with distraction of your thoughts and improves your mood. No one in a big group wants to sit around and talk about your ex. They would rather just have a good time and your mentality will be drawn to that.
Now imagine if your ex sees you out with your group of friends.
They will see you smiling and having a good time with other people, and no matter how or why your relationship ended they are going to be drawn to want to talk to the non crazy person that you are.
Seeing you smile and laugh will remind your ex of the good times you had together and if the split was over something silly they will want those good times back.
Think of how much more effective this approach is to getting them to talk to you in a normal conversation mode rather than a stalker, psychotic, crazy mode.
Then you can begin to talk about what it was that broke you up in the first place and see each other in a calmer and different light.