A False Sense Of Security…

A little while ago I wrote a article called: How to find confidence. It tells you how to gain confidence with women so that you are able to put any techniques or principles you already know into action.

However I received a question regarding the following sentence: “Confidence with women is more important that knowing techniques because it allows you to get out into the real world and actually meet women. Simple.”

The question was as follows:

“How can you say that learning techniques is not as important? Surely by learning techniques our confidence will improve because we will know what to say to the women we talk to. I know it worked for me. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.


Firstly when I read this I thought “Great question” 🙂

Secondly, note that I said confidence is more important than technique. I still believe it is. Without confidence, technique is useless. However learning a little technique, such as what to say when you approach, can really help. That said, you need to be careful.

Heed my warning!!!

Tom has a great point. By learning techniques it should build your confidence. Some people have taken the time to learn techniques and then gone out an used them with little hassle, such as Tom. Others, however, may get caught in the trap so many guys get caught in.

I am talking about not knowing when to stop learning and start putting what you already know into practice.

Let’s say for instance that you are learning a specific set of techniques. So you learn how to approach and think, “Yeah I am ready to do this shit”. But then you think to yourself, “Maybe I should learn what to do next just in case the interaction progresses?”.

Boom, time to go out there and get stuck in… right?

Well yeah, that’s what should happen. But suddenly you find you ‘need’ to learn the next part of the interaction, ‘just in case’ it goes that far. Soon you find yourself in a position where you have learned the whole set of techniques to progress from approaching all the way through to sleeping with a girl.

Surely time to approach in the real world.

Of course, but again, it’s always the case… Suddenly you start thinking of all the things that she might say in response to a particular opener. Or maybe you start thinking of all the things that may go wrong in an interaction.

Now you are trying to find all the answers to these new questions. Soon it gets to a point that you will always be thinking that there is something new to learn to deal with a new problem you have thought of.

Trust me when I say, “You can always think of something new to stop you approaching”.
You now have all these techniques, a lot of which are pretty time consuming to learn, and yet you’ve never approached a girl. Kinda crazy really.

So when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, what is the best way to go about things? I still believe that confidence is key to success. However balancing between that and the right amount of ‘just enough technique to get by’ is a good idea.

An example learning curve might well look like this: Learn how to approach. Get a few openers sorted. Then get the confidence to use them in the real world. If it goes well just move on once you hit a wall and don’t know what to do next. Once this happens regularly then you will need to learn the next step. Rinse and repeat.

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for Loveawake.com dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.