Buying gifts for a girlfriend is easy. Her heart’s desires are simple: something sparkly, something beautiful, something fragrant or fashionable. But most of all, something that shows that you’ve listened to her. One reason buying a gift for a woman is easy is because women will always tell you what they want. A gift is just physical proof that those quiet words were heard.
But I think buying a gift for a boyfriend or husband is more complicated. This is because the male heart desires things that are impractical. Do you know where one can buy a flamethrower or a sausage link loom? I didn’t think so. To make matters more complex, men are fantastically inarticulate about the things they want. Sometimes, we don’t even know what it is we want until we’re given it. Men are frustrating puzzles that way.
If you’re hitting a brick wall about what to buy your guy for the holiday, don’t freak out. The best way to know what to buy him is to first know what not to buy him. Think of it as the process of elimination. By ruling out what not to get him, you can begin to figure out what to get him. It’s like science.
Here are 15 things not to
1. Bath salts. Salt is for steak.
2. Skinny jeans
4. Membership in the “Quiche of the Month Club”
5. Tools that have bright, colorful handles
6. Champagne Flutes. Also: a flute.
7. Any Blu-ray starring Jennifer Aniston
8. Video games that aren’t mindlessly violent
9. A facial scrubby
10. Self-help books
11. Stuffed animals
12. Fruity candy
13. Scarves, hats, or gloves
14. Gift cards
15. Grooming kits