I was asked a question this week by a woman confused as to why she wasn’t being approached by men. My answer was simple: approach the men. The rules of courting have changed, and will continue to change. Once upon a time, guys and dolls had rules. The guy would throw out a line, and the dame would wince, coo, or go blind. Then the poor sad sack would slink back to his barstool, keeping an eye on his drink, and an eye out for another bird who’d let him sing his song.
This dance still prevails today. Many men pay a hefty sum to learn seduction techniques from so-called “pick-up artists.” I’ve written about how much I despise these fork-tongued STD’s in leather pants, but I’ve softened. “Pick-up artists” don’t really teach magical ways to convince women to offer up their lady fruits. It’s self-help marinated in Axe Body Spray. The best way to pick-up a stranger is to inhale a mess of booze with that stranger and that usually results in bad sex. Pick-up lines, or “sets” as I believe the pick-up community calls them, are simply conversation starters. Self-esteem boosters. In this context, they work.
Granted, men still bear the burden of rejection more than women. It’s still a bro chase chick world. But that’s changing. Men are becoming more coy, and stand-offish. Women more confidant. It’s like the genders are switching roles in many ways. But if you’re a woman who is befuddled as to why there aren’t any guys sweating you, then take the advice I’ve given tons of guys at Maxim or on the radio: practice. The more you practice, the luckier you get. The more you approach people, and talk to them, and genuinely act like you’re a person who listens and has a sense of humor, the more likely it is you’ll eventually bump into someone who is hungry for what you’re cooking.
So, ladies, here are 15 pick-up lines you can use on guys to start a conversation.
- My name is ______. What’s your name?
- So, do you beer pong here often?
- Was your father a demolitions expert? Because your eyes are dynamite.
- If you were a woman, I’d say you have a pretty smile. But you’re a man, so your smile is, um, bitchin’.
- Am I dead? Because you’re either an angel or a fearsome zombie killer.
- Are your hands and feet tired? Because you’ve been freerunning in my mind all night.
- You want beer?
- Ice cream is my kryptonite. What’s yours?
- Hey, I just noticed you staring at me. Was that a “wow, she’s beautiful” sort of stare or was it the creepy “I want to live under her bed” kind?
- Please tell me you’re not a vegetarian.
- I like to think of myself as very open-minded. For instance: I can learn to love a man who’s seeing an Xbox.
- I love The Baseball Show! How many rundowns does your mansquad have?
- Can you point out the biggest, douchiest swamp donkey here so I can avoid him? Thanks.
- You’re cute. I like cute. Whats your name?