“Never buy a woman a drink” is one of those “pick up artist” mantras you hear all the time, yet no one ever explains why you should never buy her a drink. Or dinner on a first date, for that matter.
I’ve been asked over and over by guys (and gotten into heated debates with women), whether or not this is good advice to follow. And my answer is always the same: Yes it is. You really should never buy a woman a drink or dinner if you are trying to pick her up. Why? Because it has a very different effect from the one you are trying to achieve. And I’ll explain why:
But first, understand that this is not a power thing, or teach-her-a-lesson thing. If that’s your mind set when you go out to meet women, put on your white-framed sunglasses, and take your over-bronzered, Ed Hardy-wearing ass home. This isn’t for you.
Reason #1: It instantly turns you into “Guy Hitting on Her.”
And that is going to raise her defensive shields. Fast. Women get hit on a lot. And they have ingrained, knee-jerk reactions to come ons from guys. None of which are good. So you’re starting out in a hole you’ll need to dig out of. And unless you’re really handy with a verbal shovel, your chances for success drop significantly.
Reason #2: It makes you just like every other guy.
Every other schlub in the bar with a debit card and no skills has bought her a drink tonight. Yet she’s still alone. A little buzzed. But alone.
Why is that? Because simply buying her a drink won’t get any of them past a conversation that lasts longer than it takes for her to finish her Cosmotini. At which point, she’ll politely thank them for the drink, then turn back to her friends.
See, building on Reason #1, she’s craving something different. Something fun and unique. And “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” ain’t even close. And will slam the doors shut to the promised land faster than a Lindsay Lohan rehab stint.
Reason #3: It lowers your value.
This is probably the most important reason. While most guys will typically date anything with a pulse as long as she’s willing and (relatively) clean, women have a different standard, and they tend to desire men who have a higher value than they do. (Hence the reason aging rock stars and fat, bald CEOs always score hotter girls than you.)
Once you offer her a drink, you’re showing her that your value is so much lower than hers, that you have to buy her something in exchange for conversation.
Ever hear from a stripper that they never date customers? Trust me, there’s no rule in the club that says that. Those girls will date anyone (and pretty much everyone), they damn well please. The real reason they won’t date customers, is because the minute you give them money in exchange for a dance, you go from being the hot guy she wants to take home and do naughty things to, to just another low-value “customer.” Any attraction instantly vanishes.
It’s the same with women in a club. Only instead of being on the pole, they’re at the bar.
Finally, here’s the caveat on the “never” in Never Buy a Woman a Drink: Never doesn’t mean never. Once you’ve gotten to know her, and been out a time or two, it’s perfectly ok to buy her a drink… or dinner. Just don’t use that as your initial approach.