Pullin’ on your party shirt, listening to a little Seether, returning a few last minute text messages about where “the gang” is meeting, sliding your keys off the table and heading out the door… but you are so not excited about going out tonight. Same places… same people wearing the same clothes, talking about the same things, doing the same things and hooking up with the same people… Week in and week out, its the same old thing.
You love your friends, but you know that doing the same ole same ole is doing nothing for your dating life. After all, you’ve explored all the possibilities within this circle, so how can you meet some new faces?
Change your playground.
If you’ve been prowling the same places night after night or going to the same dog park week after week, pick at least one new place a week and begin to expand your possibilities. If you’ve been on Loveawake… try Match or Amolatina. If you always go to the Belmont, try the new place that just opened up down the street instead.
Change your playmates.
Yes, I know, you love your friends and they love you, but its hard for a new person to approach you knowing that they are going to have to walk the gauntlet just to get to you or for you to break out of your pack to track down the cute girl who may be a bit out of your league. (Who wants to risk possible rejection in front of the friends who are going to drunkenly rib you about later?) Add to that your special friend language, code words, tight pack and well, you get the picture… not easy to break out or let others in.
Change your attitude.
Are you bored? Well, its going to come across as boring. Cynical? It’ll come across to a new person as “baggage” or “issues.” You get the idea. An attitude that’s positive, interesting and open to new people, ideas and events comes across as… exactly that. And that’s a good thing in the world of meeting potential dates.
So, lets say you’ve tried all of those things AND asked your friends to help you meet new people AND feel like you’re totally open when you’re out in the new places… ok, you’re past the basic fix so you might need to try a few different ideas in combination with the first three suggestions.
- My personal tried and true favorite? Host a party at your place or a popular local hangout and invite everyone you know. The theme of the party “Bring someone the host does not know.” You double your circle and add some new date possibilities.
- Take a conversation starter out with you. If you’re a reader, take the Amazon Kindle and read it where other people can see it (If you’ve been following this blog, you know how that’s been working in my world.) Into a sports team? Wear a team hat or t-shirt (especially if you’re a girl.) If you always go out with your opposite sex best friend or sibling, wear a shirt that says “She’s my sister.” Well, you don’t have to be that dorky… but you know what I mean.
- If you’ve forgotten how to feel like everyday is a new adventure, take a quick trip to a new city to remind yourself how to be open and willing to meet new people. You know how travelers always seem more approachable because they are looking around and engaging in the new environment? Well, you’re going to need that skill again so its time to brush off your “open” sign.
- Find a group with similar interests and sign up. If you’re a runner… find a running group. An artist? Join a class and art away with new people. Check out www.meetup.com for good ideas.
- Be nice to the guy or girl you may not be all that interested in. You never know who a new friend might introduce you to.
- A note for the shy daters: Ask your friends for help. You may not realize just how much easier meeting new people becomes when you have a friend or two to help you out. Enlist a GOOD wingman/woman to help with approaching strangers. (Good wingperson rule of thumb: non-competitive with you and willing to make the approach if you get an attack of shy when you see a potential hottie.)
Remember the movie “Yes Man?” When someone asks you to do something new, say yes. If you’re invited to an outing where you don’t know many people, say yes. Been thinking about joining that sport and social soccer team but haven’t because your friends won’t go? Join and meet new people.