What To Do When She/He Leaves You

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Getting dumped is one of the shittiest feelings in the entire world; and the entire world can relate. A broken heart hurts so much, in fact, we often put our dignity on the line to mend it. Whether you’ve seen it coming or ‘the talk’ comes out of the blue, hearing “It’s Over” can make us do the craziest things – like, for example: getting on our knees to beg.

Love is hardly ever perfectly balanced. The rare times it is, it’s when you’ve found your soul mate. Assuming you’re a normal human being, you’re expected to go through many soul mate wannabes before you reach ‘the one’… and each wannabe brings about it’s own fucked up, imbalanced scale.

There will always be one more interested than the other, one whose affection is shorter lived, one always more likely to hurt the other and there will always be one willing to risk everything they stand for in order to revive what’s already dead.

Begging – When You’ve Messed Up & Want Another Chance

When you screw up, you’re entitled to present your case and ask for a second chance. This should be done ONCE if the the other person is willing to hear it – and by letter or email if he/she is not – and that’s all you get. You don’t get to harass, reiterate and restate your claim in a different language ( you know, in case you missed anything). You offer your apology, make a promise for the future and walk away. You are not entitled to a second chance.  Keep in mind that if you’ve messed up, you’ve most likely hurt the person you’re with and the last thing they need is to hear you pleading for their love.

Begging – When You’re Just Getting DUMPED

I know. It doesn’t make sense. You were so happy just a week ago and suddenly, BAM! You’re not what your lover wants anymore. The first thing that comes to mind is the need to say and do whatever it takes to buy you some more time. It starts with panic..  You might recognize some of the following lines:

  • Wait! I’ll change!
  • But I love you so much!
  • Tell me what you want, I swear… I’ll do whatever it takes!
Then, once you run out of those, you take it up a notch with the aggression:
  • You’ll never find anyone that loves you the way I do!
  • No one will accept you for (insert flaw)
  • After everything I’ve done for you!
  • If you walk away, you’ll lose me FOREVER!
Once you realize this is only pushing him/ her away… the panic really takes over:
  • Please, no.. I can’t live without you
  • Please don’t leave me, I’ll never love again!
  • I need you

As you can see, the progression is the same. With every step you take in trying to convince your partner he/she is making a bad decision by leaving, you strangle your dignity a little tighterThe sad thing is, your partner already knows what you have to offer and they’re simply no longer interested. A power point presentation isn’t going to change that.

A Word to the Broken Hearted

We’ve all been dumped, we can all relate. When I tell you not to make an ass of yourself, it’s because I’ve done it before.. and so has everybody else. Not only does getting on your knees NOT work, but it inevitably makes you believe you’re an actual piece of shit. Step outside the situation and take note: You are trying to convince somebody that you are worth loving.

What is this, a job interview?

I know that in the moment, desperation takes over and you’re willing to give up your dignity and everything that comes along with it in order to get a little more time together. But that’s just it, that’s all it is: just a little more time. If the person you’re with is walking away, it’s for a reason. If you threaten them and beg them, they might stick around a little longer, but they’ll inevitably continue on the path they had chosen. This will leave you dying on the side of the street.

In order for a relationship to be a successful one, both parties need to be in it equally. The second one starts dragging it’s feet, it’s only a matter of time until the relationship comes crumbling down. It’s hard to accept someone no longer loving you but the sooner you do, the further you stay away from delusions, the quicker the healing process, and the sooner you’re falling in love with your next wannabe soulmate … – or your actual soul mate, who knows.