We all know the drill: Feelings fade and sometimes we just don’t have the right tools to bring them back to life.
There are many reasons relationships end. Some seem to be a bit more obvious that others, but never underestimate the individual’s hunger for love. The problem is that we get lost in those stupid traditional clichés of “in it for the long haul” or “for better or for worse.” Either that or we keep believing that “this too shall pass.” It’s all crap, by the way.. The first step to any relationship decision-making is learning to listen to your gut instead of doing what you think you SHOULD be doing. This is why you wait to get married.. Once you do, things become a little more complicated. But when you’re dating, there is no one holding a gun to your head, forcing you to stick with something that is obviously over.
Once you surpass the Disneyland stage of a relationship, you begin to see your partner’s true colors- suddenly, things aren’t as bright as they used to be. What little quirks you once found adorable now feel like imaginary bugs crawling up your skin. But you decide that it’s all in your head and that he’s a nice boy. Who cares if he always forgets to put deodorant on? So we never really know WHEN to give up. If your partner loses interest, you’re the doofus who ends up spending hundreds of dollars on self-help books, trying to win him back. You ignore the fact he’s already started lining up other options because you just KNOW you’re meant to be together. Or perhaps you realize that after only 4 months together, you’ve already run out of things to talk about… but surely, this must be a phase, right?
When you’re with someone for a long time, you fall victim to the comfort that is routine. Eventually, you forget what its like to be with anyone else and you start believing that either you make it work with this guy or you’re destined to be alone for ever. (I talk about this in my book)… Those being your only choices, you obviously opt to take on the challenge of separating water. But It ain’t going to happen.
You need to realize that some relationships aren’t meant to last. Scratch that. MOST relationships aren’t meant to last. It’s not to say you’re a failure or a quitter. Learn to let things run their course and take what you can from each experience.
When is it time to let go?
- You start noticing the small things : the saliva build up on the side of his mouth when he talks a lot, the fact you can pinpoint when he farts in public, the way he treats service staff at restaurants, the fact he can’t pronounce the words what and whip correctly.. etc.. These things don’t change.
- He’s cheated and you’ve taken him back. But you can’t get the image of him and your cousin doing it doggy style in your bedroom out of your head. When you forgive, you forgive. If you know you’ll never be okay knowing he’s been inside your family member, it’s time to reevaluate.
- When you begin hating his presence. You try going away for a weekend but the second you get back you cringe at the site of him sitting on your couch, scratching his balls. Welcome home. You’re over it.
- You come home to a guy who doesn’t take care of himself and prefers playing Xbox to seeing your new piece of lingerie. You find yourself daydreaming about what it would be like to shag your Puerto Rican coworker, Pablo… everyday. Just Go do it.
- You wake up every day, hoping he will change. But he never does. He doesn’t try to.
- Your relationship now resembles one between a parent and child; it’s not your responsibility to set curfew and bail him out of the trouble he’s always getting into.
- Your relationship now resembles one between a brother and sister; you don’t shag but you “hang out”… Friendship is important, but you should never lose the hunger for one another.