You can’t comfortably invite him out Friday night because you’re afraid your lady-pack would disapprove. When you call them crying because of a fight, they just roll their eyes and say, “I told you so.” When you call them smiling because of something nice he’s done, they roll their eyes and say, “Right.. what’s he trying to cover up?”
Part of you is constantly seeking acceptance from your peers and the other part of you gets territorial and defensive if anything of yours is attacked.
When your friends hate your boyfriend, which part do SHOULD you listen to?
This topic can get pretty complicated once analyzed, so let’s try to simplify it as much as we can. One of two things is going on: your friends either have the best intentions at heart or their disapproval roots from a dark place.
Bad Intentions:
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They’re jealous of your relationship.
It just so happens that sometimes, watching your BFF fall madly in love with a Prince Charming isn’t the best healing remedy to your broken heart. Maybe you’ve had shit luck dating every member of that 70s cover band.. Or maybe you look like a troll. Whatever the reason for the envy, it is not fair to focus it on an innocent party.
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You’re no longer an active member of the group
When we meet someone fantastic, we want to spend every available second with them. Suddenly, routine weekly happy hour doesn’t sound as appealing. Inevitably, we detach from our friends. (Don’t try to deny it, everyone does this in one way or another) Obviously, your friends will feel your absence and start complaining. When the standard “Hey hun, you’ve been kind of MIA” doesn’t work, PLAN B is always a safe bet: attack the boyfriend and get her back.
Good Intentions:
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They know something that you don’t
I’ve had personal experience with this… and it irritated me to hell. They knew he had been cheating but didn’t think it was their place to spill someone else’s secrets.. So instead they directed all efforts towards trying to get me away from him. When I asked why they were so against me being with him, they stayed silent. This only led to confusion and detachment. I knew I wasn’t being told the whole story. So, I picked new friends.
Tell your friends you trust them, but that if you’re going to listen they’re going to have to give you a good reason why they dislike him. If they start talking, try and switch roles.. if you saw a guy doing this to your friend would you let it happen? If they’re reasons are good, listen.
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He’s hurt you before
It’s natural for friends to get protective over each other. Sometimes they’re not willing to risk it again so they’ll refuse to believe that the guilty party has changed. If he’s hurt you over and over again, this might be a good time to listen.
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He’s changing you… for the worst
It’s usually little microscopic changes but whenever we devote a big portion of our time to one person, we’re bound to experience some change. Sometimes it’s a good change. Sometimes love really does make you a better person, and other times it doesn’t. Sometimes it’s because he’s a bad influence.. other times he’s quietly transforming you into something that you’re not.. Maybe he’s making it a point to distance you from those who know and love.. If for whatever reason your relationship is toxic, your friends and family are the first to notice the damage. Listen.
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They see something wrong with the way he treats you in public
This is a big one. I’ve played both sides of the scenario and I have to tell you, when you’re head over heels for someone you really DO NOT realize how inappropriately they treat you in public. If there is even a slight chance he’s making a fool of you in front of other people, you have to listen. If he raises his voice at you, puts his hands on you, makes fun of you, blatantly flirts with other women in front of you.. HE WILL NOT CHANGE. If it’s a bit more subtle, tell him that you’re not okay with it ONCE.. and if he does it again, run. This behavior is a big indicator of abuse. It is actually the beginning stages of abuse.
So what’s more common? The good intentions. Assuming you’ve got a pretty sturdy group, friends typically just want the best for each other and would support your decisions even if they would have chosen otherwise. They’ll be there to listen, and they’ll be there to catch you when you fall.
How do you deal? Be vocal. Ask your friends why they don’t like your partner and try to listen objectively (as hard as that may be). Play the switch the role game if you find it hard to let their words override feelings you have for the guy…
If you get the feeling (and be VERY sure) that it’s a case of “bad intention” try and fix the problem at its root. If your friends are genuinely feeling your absence, compromise. Give one weekend night to your friends and the other to your man. (You should be doing this anyway. Your friends have a reason to bitch) Once you’re in good with them again, try to ease him into the outtings a little at a time and let them know you’d really like it if they could give him a chance. If your friend is a jealous troll.. there isn’t much you can do. Try and set her up with someone.. be a good friend and work on helping her self esteem.
And don’t forget all the juicy cliches .. bros before hoes, chicks before dicks and guys come and go, friends stay forever.
