We have a Loveawake Facebook Group that gets pretty lively. So lively in fact, that I’m compelled to warn people when they join that they should expect their inboxes to get a serious workout from the fiery conversations that take place there.
Most recently, I was asked to share my opinion about so-called “cougars.” For the uninitiated, it’s generally accepted that cougars are women of a more mature age, ranging from age forty and up, who enjoy and seek out the company of younger men. This turned into a debate about the perceived offensive nature of the term “cougar.” In fact, many women offered that they would prefer being referred to as a“MILF.” MILF, by the way, is an acronym for Mom I’d Like To…uhhhh…Fornicate with. The “F” actually stands for a slang term for fornicate.
This was a bit of a surprise. Some of the comments:
Kathy – “Over tanned, over made-up 50-something woman dressing like a 20-year-old in too tight clothes because she thinks that is what will get the 20-something guys. I’m 42 and actually prefer MILF over Cougar”
Kelly – “Cougar sounds predatory to me – and the younger men I’ve dated were NOT innocent victims.”
Cyndi – “I prefer MILF over Cougar. Cougar is usually used in a derogatory manner as where MILF is usually a compliment. Love the hot Mom worth banging vs. the predatory old lady out to shag boys!”
Wow. Further proof that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. The total difference in the perception of the women those two words supposedly represent. I’ve never viewed cougars that way. I suppose there are some anecdotal exceptions, but I hardly think that the predatory perception of the cougar is the rule.
Personally, I’ve always thought that if I were a woman, I much rather be thought to be a Cougar instead of a MILF. Though I suppose if we got technical, a woman could actually be both, right? Think about it though. MILF seems to be a very base objectification of a woman, in my opinion. I find it interesting that so many independent, girl-power-type women don’t see that as a problem. Nope, many, like Cyndi think of this as a compliment. That’s cool.
But the Cougar I see is a woman to be admired for her strength and confidence and her willingness to flex her power by going after the kind of guy she wants. I see her as the woman that keeps guys on their toes because she’s playing by her own rules. Playing the dating game her way and making things happen on her own terms. There’s a confidence and quiet power in her that’s got to be respected.
The MILF on the other hand, seems to simply be a woman who’s only good for one thing. Which is why it fascinates me that so many ladies embrace that word. I can only wonder why? Is it the MOM part? I know a multitude of women who feel like they lose a little bit of their sexiness once they become mothers. Now obviously that’s not necessarily true but there’s no denying their feelings are real. Maybe there’s something ego-nourishing in hearing that some guy thinks a woman is hot even after she has kids? I don’t know. How would those same women feel about the term if MILF became “LILF?”
“Lady I’d Like To…”
Would that change their perspective?
For me, and I think most guys, there’s something sexy about a challenge. The cougar seems to be the one to offer more of a challenge. Note I said “challenge” not “chase.”
Hate the chase. Love the challenge. There’s a difference.
Heck, maybe both terms are offensive and I’m just too ignorant to know any better. I mean after all, I’m just a guy…
Your thoughts? Cougar vs. MILF — who wins? Neither?