What To Do Once The Date Is Over…

date is over

Last time I educated you on how not to blow it ten seconds into your first date.

Now I’d like to help you handle those precious moments after the date.  Once again, this is easy stuff, but if you were taught how to handle the after-date by your half-naked, toga-wearing frat brother, let me clear things up a bit for you.

So, toga buddy insisted that you should wait three days before contacting the woman, even if you’re totally digging her.  Do you really think that’s a good idea?  Really?  What do you think she’s doing during this time?  Rolling around in bed, hair in curlers, rotary telephone pressed up to her ear and gushing to her girlfriends about you?  Nope.  She’s going on with her daily routine, wondering what happened and losing interest.

Technically, in three days, she could have gone on three other dates, and now you’re just a guy who seemingly has zero interest in her. She went from excited because she met a great guy, to questioning what she did wrong, to wondering what kind of jerk you must be.

If you like her, don’t be afraid to call her the next day.  If you know you had a great time, and you at least believe the feeling was mutual, go ahead and text her within a couple hours after the end of the date.  Tell her you had fun and you’d like to do it again.  (This is also assuming the date was a normal one and didn’t end in the walk of shame as Dunkin’ Donuts was opening.)

If the only text you get in return is a “Thanks”, you’re not getting another date, and you never should’ve taken her to McDonalds in the first place.

If she texts with an “I would love to see you again!!!!” you did a fantastic job.  Good on you.  Now go buy another sport coat because she’s already seen the only one you own.

alone in barOn the other hand, if you didn’t have a good time, it’s also polite to let her know immediately.  Tell her you just don’t see the two of you working out.  This could lead to her resentment and embarrassment, so I wouldn’t blame you for waiting until you got home.   Or you could spare her feelings by being completely honest and tell her how you’re shipping off to New Guinea for some volunteer work – for the rest of your life.  She’ll believe it.  I swear.

Want to make the date more exciting? 

Ask her what she’d be interested in doing.  Don’t assume that dinner and a movie are always best.  One, there’s no conversation to be had during a movie that doesn’t annoy everyone else around you, and two, at least for myself, sitting across the table from a stranger, running my tongue over my teeth after every bite, searching for non-digested food simply can’t be sexy.  It just can’t.

Ideas she may come up with:

Rock climbing.  You know you’d love that.

trip to an art or history museum.  Hey, a little education never hurt anybody.  Even you, mister.

Live music on the patio with wings and a pitcher of beer.  You lucky son-of-a-gun.

Just ask her! 

It’ll save you the agony of planning the date and possibly the annoyance of talking to a woman with an entire leaf of spinach in her teeth.  (Unless teeth spinach is your thing.  Which is weird.)

In summary:  If you do go on a date with a woman who gnaws at a chicken wing, knows it’s in her teeth, but is “saving it for later”, don’t you dare forget to call her the next day.  That, my friend, is a keeper.

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Alex Wise served over 5 years as relationship expert helping women from around the world figure out the men in their love lives from an honest, male perspective. Alex is one of the contributors and editors for Loveawake.com dating website. He is passionate about thought leadership writing, and regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and online dating communities.