There are several things that women worry about and fear. It could be bills, being successful, finding the right man or being alone. I honestly don’t think that we were made to be alone. Yes, maybe being single. Think about other cultures in other countries, a lot of the families live together: the mother, father, children, grandparents and maybe even uncles and aunts. To me, this seems to be very healthy and therapeutic. Of course, I’m sure it might possible drive someone mad but overall it’s the core of a true family.
I think life might go a little smoother if you are surrounded by those or that one special person that adores you. You know, to have an awesome support system. The fact that it seems to be healthy to be surrounded by people or even one person possible fuels the fear of being alone. Coming home to an empty house can sometimes stimulate loneliness. But, this shouldn’t make you jump into any sort of relationship. Surrounding yourself with family and friends can fill this void. What am I getting at? Well, I’ll bore you a little with my own personal love history.
I had my first boyfriend at 15. He wasn’t right for me. I didn’t really even like him but I loved the feeling of not being “alone”. I dated him two years too long. It was then that I started on my relationship journey. For years, I constantly stayed in relationships, jumping out of one to go to another. It wasn’t until recently I had an “aha” moment and stopped. I was putting more focus and obsessiveness on my relationships than putting myself and priorities first. What could I have possibly been running from?
So, are you a relationship junkie? Are you jumping from one relationship to another? When was the last time you were single? How long were you single? These are a few questions to ask yourself. Are you afraid of being alone? Being alone might seem simple but sometimes there are other issues behind it.
You Might Be Afraid Of Being Alone If:
You Are Always In A Relationship
If you find yourself always in a relationship, you just might be afraid of being alone. But, you know what? There are worse things than being alone and that’s being with the wrong person. It’s better to be alone and be happy than to be with someone and be miserable, but you have to find your happiness.
The Back burner Boy
This is something I used to do when I was younger. I’m not voicing that it’s right but this was just another trick to keep me from having to be alone. I would keep another guy on the back burner. I didn’t exactly call it cheating, there wasn’t anything physical but possibly emotional. So, when things didn’t work out with the initial guy I would go to the back burner guy. I did this in my teenage and early college years. It’s not healthy by any means.
Abusive Relationships
Many of us have been in abusive relationships. Why the hell do we stay in them? Because we get beat down to the point we think nobody else would want us? We are afraid to leave because we are fearful or is it just that we are so comfortable and we are afraid of being alone? Never settle.
The Wrong Person
You know there all kinds of wrong for you. You are even that compatible. You really aren’t even sure that you like this person or could see yourself spending the rest of your life with them. The fear of being alone can land you in a sticky relationship with a person that is completely wrong for you, the sad part is…you know it.
Quick To Get Serious
When I was younger, it seemed that if I went out with someone on a date, I would end up in a serious relationship with them. This isn’t healthy. It goes back to dating the wrong person. I wasn’t very selective with the people I dated I just didn’t want to be alone. Things would get real serious real fast and then, as usual, I would end up in a miserable relationship that pacified my sick comfort craving.
Learning to be alone is extremely healthy.
You will never have a good, solid, strong relationship with anyone unless you have learned to be alone. You can’t depend on other people to fill the voids that you have or to bypass the issues you need to deal with. Many people get obsessive about relationships because it takes the focus off of their own issues. If you do this, all you are doing is delaying the healing process. Learn to be alone, learn to be happy and learn to love yourself. Then, someone will truly be able to love you.
Don’t Date For 6 Months
Try to go without dating for six months. I know it might be hard but it’s time for some YOU time. During this time, you need to focus on your career, your goals, your health, your children and your happiness. It might be hard at first but you might come to find that you actually like it.
Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Go ahead and get out of your comfort zone. Do something different. Go take a few classes that interest you. Try to fill up your time so you won’t be sitting at home thinkinghow lonely you are.
Make New Friends
There’s nothing like having new friends. You can never have too many of the right friends. Get out and meet people. This might involved joining a club or going to church functions.
Date Several Different People
When you start dating people, date different people. Don’t stick to your typical stereotypical date/man/woman.You might realize that you are missing out on some great people. Go against the grain a little bit.
Get Counseling
If you are struggling with some issues that push you to be in relationships to hide, get help. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you need help. Actually, it takes the bigger person to voice that they need help. Start going to counseling and working on these issues. I don’t recommend counseling and dating at the same time. You should probably go to therapy and work out some glitches before going back into the dating world.
Love Yourself
Most people that are afraid of being alone do not feel loved by anyone, including themselves. The only way to find true love is to learn how to love yourself. If you are going to therapy, this will push you in the right direction. Try positive affirmations. Tell yourself you are beautiful, smart and intelligent. Your word usage and positivity is very powerful.
You are not alone in being afraid of being alone. You don’t have to be fearful anymore. There are just certain steps you need to take to get to that point in your life where you are comfortable alone. Keep faith and stay positive.
