So, you finally met the person of your dreams. You both get along so great it feels like love. You are satisfied physically and emotionally. You are starting to get extremely comfortable around one another. The question is both in the back of your minds and it’s only a matter of time until the question is blurted out. So, how many people have you slept with?
This seems to be a common question that couples ask each other? But why? Most people think that by knowing how many partners they have been with somewhat lets them know what kind of person they are or what kind of person they used to be. There might be a moment of silence after the question is asked. You mind is racing through the numbers. You might think that there have been too many or you might even think that the number is too small.
Is this a question you should answer? Yes, relationships are about communication and honesty but do you really feel like you can be honest about it? I am willing to bed that most people lie about the numbers. Maybe you were a wild child growing up and you made a few mistakes here and there. Hell, you might have even made 82 mistakes. Maybe you feel that you haven’t been with enough people and this might make you look inexperienced. So, how many people have you slept with?
To me, this is a question that moves into dangerous territory. I have heard stories about couples that were planning on getting married. The ring was placed on the finger and the wedding date was already set. The woman decides that she doesn’t want to keep any secrets from her potential husband so she spills the beans. He can’t handle the beans. The one person he thought he wanted to spend the rest of his life with is now a woman that had a promiscuous past. He says that he would never judge her from her past but he does just that. He is having second thoughts on getting married and the wedding is called off.
Women are somewhat different when it comes to numbers. Most women assume that their man has been with several partners. Of course, don’t forget the double-standard we all know and love.What is it? A man has sex with an infinite number of women and he is considered a “pimp” by his friends and society. But and this is a huge “But”, when a woman has sex with a large number of people she is then considered a slut, easy or a hootchie mamma. So, really how many people have you slept with? Is this a question that should be asked? Is this a question that should be answered? In my opinion, definitely not. The last relationship I was in the number of people we slept with never came up. Honestly, I did not want to know how many people he had slept with and I think he felt the same. Whether you slept with 3 people or 100, why would anyone want to know this popular number? Someone that I dated before told me how many people he slept with and all I could think about was him on top of someone else. I couldn’t get the image out of my mind.That number was engraved in my brain and questions started to rise to the surface?
Was I good enough as everyone else?
Is he comparing me to everyone else?
Why would you even want to torment yourself like this? Shouldn’t the past remain in the past? Some say that the past is a predictor the the future? So, just because he was a man whore then is he a man whore now? Not necessarily. People change. The longer he goes without being a man whore his past starts to change. Who knows, maybe he was a man whore in his younger years but straightened up as he got older.
The numbers are something you shouldn’t have to think about. Plus, 9 times out of 10, people will lie about it. They lie about it because they don’t want to be judged. They don’t want you to think less of them. No one wants to be thought of as a slut or a man whore. So, you better think long and hard before you ask the number question. Do you think you can handle it? You better think long and hard before you answer that question. Did you think he/ she can handle it?
I once had a friend that was a recovering slut. She had been with a number of people in her wild days but grew up and settled down. She was nervous about this number and cringed every time a man asked the question. Through trial and error, she found that giving up these numbers damaged the relationship and her character to her partner. She finally came up with a good answer. So, how many people have you slept with? “Enough to know what I’m doing”. Great answer. Applause.
If you partner is dead set on knowing the numbers, try to explain to him that they are not important now. Of course, saying this might make him think that you have been with a lot of people? What is a lot of people, though? What might seem like a huge number to you might be nothing to him, or the exact opposite. They always say that when a woman tells how many people she has slept with multiply it by 3. When a guy is hanging out with the guys and they are telling each other how many people they have slept with you should subtract it by 15. This is quite comical to me.You will never know if you are getting an honest answer or not so there’s no real reason to even discuss it. How will this benefit your relationship? It won’t. If anything it will cause conflict.
So, should you ask the loaded question? Should you answer the loaded question? My advice is absolutely not. Telling your numbers is basically like letting someone read your private journal. It’s private, it’s your business and really none of theirs. Instead of focusing on how many people the other has been with, focus on the present. Respect each other’s privacy, please. You are together now and anything before that doesn’t really matter.