What’s worse than having to deal with a mamma’s boy? It’s having to deal with a mamma’s boy and his mamma. What’s worse than that? Dealing with a mamma’s boymother and father. You can only wish that when you get married, that you marry into a wonderful happy family. It’s very seldom that this happens. Of course, some people are blessed with great in-laws and with that, they are very fortunate.
Listen, this isn’t just about mamma’s boys, it’s also about daddy’s little girl. I’m not bias when discussing the in-law issue. You will hear me say him, he, his, boy, dude, bastard- because I’m a woman and deal with the opposite sex. Know this, there is no prejudice with either sex when it comes to toxic in-laws. The world is full of men still nursing on their mother’s tit and father’s that are still holding on to their “little” girls.
The problem isn’t with the in-laws. Yes, they are probably overbearing, controlling and straight up koo koo but the real issue lies within your partner. In-laws wouldn’t be so ‘in your face’, nosy or controlling if your partner didn’t allow it. They are getting their way because they can. If your partner tolerates any sort of outlandish behavior your relationship might be on the rocks.
The Scary Thing About Toxic In-Laws
You Don’t Figure Out Their Crazy Until After The Wedding
Everyone puts on a pretty face. Just like you are in the honeymoon stage with your partner, you are also in the honeymoon stage with his family. Oh, you probably though they were the best in the beginning. It’s very common to see the light once you say, ” I do”. You probably didn’t realize you were saying “I do” to a man that is still breast feeding.
Your Partner Doesn’t See It
This is the crazy part. Look, he doesn’t know any different b/c this is what he’s always known. He’s used to his mother being overbearing, “Oh, that’s just how mother is”.Even though it’s far from normal, he doesn’t seem to see the problem….which will be a major problem.
You Are A Threat
You probably weren’t much of a threat before the two of you got married. You see, there have probably been several women in and out of their son’s life. Once you said the vows and become one, this is when you pose a threat to the mother’s precious little boy. Most toxic mother-in-laws wait until after the wedding to spit venom. Get ready.
This is when I realize my “could have been” mother-in-law was the evil spawn of satan. I had an idea before but after I had my son this only validated it. At one point, she admitted that she thought my son was hers. Koo koo. Big events in life, you’ll see who people really are. It just sucks that you have to wait until after the honeymoon is over, getting back to reality to only realize you married into a family of loons.
You Might Have Toxic In-Laws If:
- You don’t feel like the in-laws approve of you.
- You don’t feel comfortable around the in-laws.
- Your in-laws are always trying to ‘out do’ you.
- No matter how hard you try, it’s never good enough.
- You hate it when they visit.
- You dream about them dying.
- You argue a good bit about them with your partner.
- The in-laws suck the time and energy out of your life.
- Your in-laws meddle in every area of you and your partner’s life.
- You feel like you are sharing your partner with his parents.
- The in-laws are always calling.
- You are frequently having to do things with them.
- Your partner believes his parents over you.
- Your partner still goes to his parents for advice, instead of you.
- You and your partner always fight when in-laws are around.
- You feel as if they are coming between you and your partner.
The only person that can stop this crazy “koo koo” cycle of In-law psychoness is your partner. He is the one that is eventually going to either have to cut off all ties or tell them where they can go. Your partner needs to understand that he is a big boy now, he doesn’t need his parents approval anymore.
What Your Partner Should Tell His Parents To Keep The Peace
When you disrespect my wife, you are disrespecting me. If you are going to continue to disrespect her then we will no longer be a part of your lives. I’m not talking about just her, that includes me also.
Please do not be invasive anymore. This is our house, not yours. You are welcome to come over but you must call before you come. If we feel like having company, we will let you know.
I have my own family now. I have a wife and children. This is NOT your life. You’ve done all you could do with raising me, now it’s time to let me go. I appreciate your advise but I am going to things and make choices that me and my wife discuss first. So, please quit meddlin and being nosy and giving unwanted advice.
Just because I am married, it doesn’t mean that I am no longer a part of your family. I will always be your son. You will always be my mother. No one will ever take your place. Please don’t feel that because I am married that you are losing a son, you are just gaining a daughter.
If this doesn’t work, then you might want to call Dr. Phil. Relationships are hard enough as it is. It doesn’t seem to help when other people get thrown into the mix. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do when it comes to toxic in-laws. But, you teach people how to treat you. If you allow them to walk all over you from the beginning, they will continue to do it. Stand your ground and take your peace. Stand up for you, your children and for the future of you and your partner’s relationship.