There is a toxin that can seep into your relationship, and before you even know what’s happening, it corrodes and eventually destroys your relationship.
Of all the potential relationship toxins out there, this one is the single most toxic element you could ever allow in.
It’s one where, you know it when you hear it, and you have probably shuddered to hear others use it. The hard part is recognizing when you may be doing it yourself.
In this blog, you’ll learn what this toxic element is, and how to banish it from your relationship for good. Please keep reading…
It’s Like Porn… You Know it When You See It
Have you ever watched a television show, a movie, or even a cartoon, where one of the characters talks down to everyone around them, or maybe just to one person they dislike?
Their voice fairly drips with what’s called disdain. It’s one of those things where you know it when you hear it, because the tone of voice could never be mistaken for warm, inviting, loving or kind.
Other words that describe it are “contempt, scorn, disregard.”
Disdain sends a distinct message: that the person being addressed is beneath notice, unworthy of consideration or respect.
In movies and cartoons, the character would be shown either with their nose in the air, or looking down their nose at the person they’re addressing to let them know they don’t think much of them.
And woe to the relationship where disdain creeps in…
It’s difficult for the recipient of disdain to feel warm, loving feelings toward a partner who views them as beneath them and unworthy of respect. Seriously… would you be able to cuddle up with someone who talks to you like that?
Disdain absolutely destroys the fabric of love, trust and emotional connection in a relationship. It’s insulting and psychologically abusive.
Here is the first thing you need to do:
Determine if Disdain has Entered Your Relationship
It’s not too hard to ferret out whether or not a relationship is experiencing the corrosive power of disdain. One of the hallmarks of disdain involves insults and name calling. For example, if you or your partner has ever referred to each other as a “slob, jerk, bastard, wench, stupid, or ugly,” then disdain is present in your relationship.
Often, it’s a “heat of the moment” kind of thing. You say something that you later think, “Okay, so that wasn’t the best thing I could have said…” But when it becomes a repeat pattern, you have a major problem.
If you discover that disdain has leaked into your relationship, even the tiniest bit, here’s how to get it out:
Consciously Choose Your Words
So you said something in anger to your partner that was less than complimentary. It happens… but you need to be extra-vigilant to NOT let it happen a second time, which can lead to a third time, then a fourth, before next thing you know—there’s a bad habit that has formed that will ultimately destroy your relationship.
Have you ever heard a parent say to a young child (or you’ve said it yourself), “Use your words carefully?”
The same rule applies to adults. If you’re in a heated argument with your partner, pinch your arm if you have to, but make sure you are conscious of what you are about to say. It may feel like a “win” at the time to score a point with a low blow, but really… how will you feel tomorrow to know you made your partner feel less than valuable in your eyes?
Save yourself—and your partner—the pain: think first, speak second.
My best to you in ensuring this corrosive element doesn’t leak into and destroy your relationship.