Why are we attracted to some people and not others? On the surface many believe that physical attraction is the catalyst for a relationship, however as we look around at who we are attracted to we soon realize that physical attraction may play a part in our attraction to another, however it is far from the sole reason for attraction. The physical attraction we may feel from across the room when we first see someone can quickly fade as we come closer to a person or hear them speak. We experience this because sometimes as we move to explore our physical attraction we realize there is no “spark”, no connection that is there is no vibrational connection which pulls us towards each other.
When a real connection is made with someone it is unmistakable so why do so many end up in relationships which don’t work? How is it that we are able to make what seem to be not the best choices of people for us to enter a relationship with?
There are many reasons. The number one reason is that we don’t truly listen to what we intuitively know, instead we allow ourselves to be driven by other factors that are sometimes culturally based and sometimes part of our physical and emotional makeup.
When we are young and our hormones are racing and our physical body is at its peak the physical and hormonally driven body is designed to procreate and we are therefore physically attracted to people who exhibit attributes that tell us that we could produce healthy off spring with them. Consciously we are not considering the benefits of procreating with this person, however unconsciously this is often what is going on at a primal level. As I write this, I believe this explains heterosexual attraction to some extent, however does the same thought apply to same sex attraction? Physical attraction is very strong when we are young and of an age where it is optimum for us to procreate, I would have to assume that even though procreation cannot happen between same sex partners that this is still a primal force which contributes to attraction at this phase of life.
As we mature, we may find another person attractive because of what they can offer from a perspective of lifestyle, that is, they may be educated, have the ability to provide a desired lifestyle, support a family, etc. Not a recipe for a successful relationship on its own, however for many, an attraction none the less.
The attraction of opposites is also another factor that draws people together. Opposites attract because we see the other person as being able to provide something that we feel is missing in our life; for example, maybe a shy person is attracted to someone because they are outgoing, adventurous, maybe even a hint of danger exists and they feel an attraction to this person because they have something that seems to missing in their life. It works the other way as well, maybe someone who is a little wild and their life is a mess is attracted to a more settled person who can offer some stability. In the end, opposites often attract however very few can go the distance. The very things which seemed attractive in the beginning of the relationship are the things that tear the relationship apart in the end.
Another form of attraction is not truly attraction at all, it is the attraction based on fear. The fear is that a person’s biological clock is ticking or that they will grow old alone and they must find someone to hook-up with before it’s too late and enter into a relationship and settle rather then wait to find a person they truly connect with.
One other reason people enter into a relationship is peer pressure. Often times as we see the single people within our social circle become people in a relationship we feel left out and our newly coupled friends feel it is their duty to help the single person out and push and prod the single friend to enter into a relationship which inadvertently pushes people into relationships which are not true connections.
In our culture it takes fortitude and courage to wait for the person whom we truly will connect with, the person whose soul can truly link with our soul, the person who transcends the cultural norms of a relationship. It takes great personal integrity to be able to enter into relationships with eyes wide open and to be able to spot the red flags and recognize the attraction to the relationship for what it truly is.
When you truly connect with another person, a person who we can truly share each other’s journey with and support each other along your individual journey, you will KNOW. You will know, because you will not be pushing any doubts aside. You will know because you will be able to step outside of yourself as the observer and know there are not any red flags that you are ignoring. You will simply know.
Be aware of the vibrations and you will find the connections that you seek. Note, we connect with many people in many ways, not all connections that we make are connections which are meant for long term relationships.
The burning question that we must now ask is, what is the purpose of the person whom I connect with and enter into a relationship with and is this relationship supposed to be the “perfect” (perfect being defined by our expectations) relationship or is there some other purpose for which this connection exists.