When I load Netflix, I always check your sections first. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every single one of your movies – but just in case, I check. If there’s nothing new, I’ll even watch an unknown 2 star rom com like My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend. I stopped liking it 15 minutes in… but I still finished it – I’m just that obsessed. The addiction has gotten so bad that it always leaves me wanting more . There are times my unquenchable thirst leads me to discover mini gems like Waiting for Forever (which got pretty crappy reviews, but I really enjoyed it. Love the music) Oh Rom Coms and General Romantic-Themed movies.. I need you to stop taking over my imagination.
You’re powerful, you see. You make me believe Katherine Heigl, Kate Hudson and Jennifer Aniston are really my friends. When things go badly for them, I want to cry. And as soon as things pick up… I clap and say, “See! I told you things would get better!” I kick myself, constantly, for not having a job at a big Magazine (like Kate) or for not being a successful tv producer (like Katherine). Or how about Cameron in The Holiday. I want that house. I also want the house in The Notebook.
(By the way.. Who’s the genius that took Dear John‘s Channing Tatum and starred him opposite The Notebook‘s Rachel McAdams… and set their movie to be released around Valentine’s Day?… I need to buy you a thank you basket)
But you do more than tease us with dream careers.. You make women everywhere believe guys like Ryan Gosling (click here to read a funny open letter to him), Gerard Butler, and Ashton Kutscher really exist. (I know Matthew McConaughey is a big player but I just can’t get into his face and voice combo).
I’m sure guys like that DO exist.. they just don’t live across the hall, or work in the corner cubicle. (Trust me, women everywhere have looked). And when that time of the month comes around, it’s because of you that women in happy, committed relationships get angry at their boyfriends for not being mysterious like Edward Cullen, funny like Ashton Kutscher, or manly like Gerard Butler.
You’re like an invisible little gnome, building a sky high brick wall that no real man could ever climb because you’ve magically removed his hands. You don’t even give them a chance.
And these stories… You make it impossible for women to be satisfied. One of my absolute favorite movies is A lot Like Love. But is the story of two people meeting on a plane, shagging in the bathroom and realizing their soul mates throughout the course of 6 years really feasible? Or how about Serendipity and the glove being the thing that triggered it all?
My panties are dropping as I type. Rom coms, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.. and more. Because while women everywhere think they have a great guy, you are here to show them he isn’t great enough. And if they love the story of how they met, you are here to prove it lacks pizzaz. Thank You
Like if I were to meet a really cute, funny, witty guy in front of Starbucks, I should turn him down and say, “You need to hang from the top of a ferris wheel in your underwear if you’re going to ask me out.. and know this ahead of time, I’ll need you to promise to write a book about our love in case I ever get Dementia. Oh. And we have to die together, too.”
They’re mixed emotions I have for you: a little love, a little hate. But one thing’s for sure. Without you, I’d have nothing to compare my every day life to. I’d have nothing to strive for. I’d have nothing to attack my wonderful, amazing, godlike husband with.