Sometimes you need to do a bit of basic maintenence, and there is no one around and no one to call. You can sit around in frustration, or you can Do-it-Yourself. Rather satisfying, if done correctly.
The art to successful DIY is having the right tools for the job. The correct tool for the correct job makes life so much easier. Sometimes you need a delicate little tool for fine work, sometimes a whacking great hammer to get the job done right.
I am, of course, talking about sex toys. What did you think I was on about? Putting up shelves? Anyone can do that! (Link provided for those who actually can’t put up a shelf, so don’t say we never do anything for you.)
Oh, your reading came to a screeching halt right there, eh? There is a downside to living in a culture that thinks it is somehow wrong for women to enjoy sex, and where even experienced trial lawyers get the giggles when exposed to vibrators.
That downside is, if your hands won’t do, you don’t get done. Not acceptable, certainly not now.
Sure, I am not telling you to head to Northwestern University’s human sexuality class and a possible morals charge, just to find out what works for you, but an entire subclass of questions we get here involve sex:
“He can’t get me off.” “I am not sure if I am ready for X.” “I am a bit small down there.” “Would I like anal?” “I haven’t been with a guy for a while, will it heal up?” (The last one is a submitted question from a couple of months back – I facepalmed hard enough to give myself concussion.)
The poor guy/gal is not a mind reader! If YOU do not know what you like and what works for you, then why, and more importantly HOW, should (s)he!
Are you a slow, gentle stimulation type, or do you really prefer fast penetrative sex? Does penetration actually do anything for you at all (It frequently doesn’t)? What exact angle makes you go screaming into orbit and what angles are uncomfortable? How big is big enough? All questions that you should know the answers to, cause your partner is going to want to know.
While it can be a lot of fun to experiment with styles and positions with your partner, it can also be embarassing, frustrating and sometimes downright painful too. That is where DIY comes in. Learning your own body and reactions in a relaxed, no stress way makes teaching your partner how to set off the fireworks a total joy.
As to what you should use, there are thousands of advice sites out there, and tens of thousands willing to sell you any type of coyly named toy you can imagine and a fair number you can’t (or don’t want to). The choice is immense and is, my dear, entirely up to you. A guy never gives advice about or borrows another’s tools.
I was going to do a nicely satirical, sexist and highly misogynistic piece on actual DIY and women, but this was much more fun – maybe next time.