You’ve broken up with bad roommates, bad kissers, and the bad notion that any project you attempt to do from Pinterest will actually turn out anywhere close to resembling its original pin. So why are you still in a relationship with negative dream-crushing, toxic, and worrisome thoughts? The answer is simple—because they don’t stop showing up. Whether it’s your internal dialog of self-doubt or the external dialog of society pushing you to where it thinks you should be, those thoughts can be constant. They will always be there inviting themselves in, until you start showing them to the door and once and for all taking a stand and learning how to break up with your fears.
We know you can build yourself up to be the fearless chick you were always meant to be by acing the practice of choosing your thoughts and breaking up with your fears.
On an average day, your brain processes over 50,000 thoughts. But to break it down, every decision, every action, and every single one of those 50,000 thoughts can be divided into just two categories. Those thoughts are either coming from a place of Fear or a place of Love. And I know what you’re probably thinking … and no, you don’t have to be a Zen-master-guru hugging every tree in your hippie commune to practice what I’m saying. You just have to recognize that all things come down to those two choices in order to break up with your fears.
That Job You Hate
Think about it. You might feel pretty bad-ass and fearless most of the time but if your drive to work consists of brainstorming creative reasons to call in sick, fear might be the reason you’re staying in a job that you hate. You’re probably afraid you’ll never get hired anywhere better or if you quit your job to follow a dream you’ve always had a passion for you’ll end up eating expired canned food from the dollar store. (Okay so that may or may not have happened to me for a short time, but I promise you that the expiration date on canned food is merely a suggestion and that the dollar store isn’t that bad, they even stock some g-free items . . .)
Once I realized that fear was steering my future and trapping me into becoming something much less than the awesomeness I was capable of, I made a plan and a choice to leave my steady job to start my own business—out of love for myself and for what I truly LOVE to do. So I sacrificed eating out at fancy restaurants every week to seeing how many meals I could stretch from one pack of hot dogs. So what? It was totally worth it. Because the ultimate goal was to live a life that I loved, and to finally break up with my fear and show it who’s boss.
That Toxic Relationship
Be fearless enough to recognize a toxic relationship when you are in one. Toxic relationships aren’t just abusive ex-boyfriends and back-stabbing besties. Toxic relationships can be right in front of you and you might not even realize it.
It could be that co-worker who always undermines your work or has an earful of complaints to spew off in your direction every day. Don’t let her fears become your workplace quicksand.
It could be an old friend who is inadvertently trying to make you build the first-ever- super-successful-one-sided friendship. One-sided relationships aren’t anything but draining. And you know what? No one should be too busy to see how awesome you are and to support all of that badassness. And any amount of one-sided relationship-ing that you partake in will only sacrifice your growth and self-esteem.
It could be that family member (you love deeply but… ) who can’t help from seasoning sarcasm into everything they say so in turn all you ever receive are backhanded compliments. Let’s face it, we can’t break up with our family members as easy as our fears, but we can choose the amount of time we spend with them and how much of ourselves we allow them to break us down.
And for those ladies out there who are in a stagnant-mosquito-breeding-water type of a relationship, hanging around a certain guy just because “you two have been through so much together”? Well let me tell you fearlessly that the time you put in with someone does not equate to quality. If he’s not the best version of himself and if he’s not bringing out the best version of you, then you could be in a toxic relationship. Don’t stay with someone just because you’re afraid to be alone or afraid of starting all over in a new relationship. Love your future self enough to do her a worthy favor and break up with your fear. Start by looking for the type of man who will make you happy—that you will love without fear.
That Worrier That Lives in All of Us
Worrying about current or future situations is only human. But recognize the choice you have. Worrying is simply a choice of fear dressed up in “planning the outcome” pants. Worrying is a practice that may make you think that you’ve got control of the situation, but really you are just organizing your fears in the file folders of your mind. Worrying, no matter how big or how small, is the exact opposite of being fearless. Both fabulous and terrible things will happen in life, but worrying about them won’t change a thing. Break up with your fears by realizing the only thing you can truly change is how you view the situations you find yourself in and react to them.
Being fearless doesn’t mean never being able to be afraid—just like being awesome doesn’t mean never getting to know the eye-stinging-tearful pain of failure (or the taste of expired canned food) while on your way to success. Being fearless means you are able to take those “oh-shit-this-is-scary” steps in life to develop more courage. And courage is like getting inked with your first tattoo—once you’re marked with it, you’ll become addicted to the amazing feeling claiming your truth bestows upon you. Fears don’t always come in big scary nightmare packages, sometimes they come in the form of thoughts, relationships or worries and slowly creep into your life, burying parts of your confidence into the ground before you even notice.
By recognizing that the root of all thoughts, feelings, and decisions you make is either one of Fear or one of Love, you can start to change your life one thought at a time and break up with your fears once and for all. Your future self will thank you.