Have you ever been stuck in the friend zone?
If you have, you know there’s no worse place as far as relationships go; falling for someone who “just wants to be friends” is a soul-crushing experience.
If you haven’t, just know that “being in The Friend Zone” is shorthand for “wanting someone who has no romantic feelings for you.”
I was only stuck in The Zone once as a young teen, but I remember the experience well. I was unable to get the girl I wanted and it was a very painful experience. Just waking up in the morning hurt.
Unfortunately for me, I didn’t know how to help myself at the time. Since then, I have discovered 3 ways to leave The Zone. Today, I’m going to share one of them – the Simple way – with you.
Being around the girl you want constantly – as a friend – means you can’t get over her. At the same time, it’s hard to end the friendship and stop seeing someone you have feelings for. It’s a catch-22.
That’s why so many guys get stuck in The Zone for months, years and even lifetimes. Most will struggle, suffer, and eventually cut their losses when they can’t take any more; others will remain for good.
Leaving The Zone isn’t easy. This way is simple, but it’s not effortless. But would you rather make a little effort and get the girl or stay right where you are?
Yeah… That’s what I thought.
The Simple Way
The simple way to get out of The Zone is based on creating attraction. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to win back an ex, a new girl or an old friend you developed feelings for. Use these 5 steps to make Her attracted to you and leave the Zone.
1) Become Scarce
In economics, a resource’s value decreases when it’s abundant: diamonds would be worth nothing if they weren’t perceived as rare. The same is true in relationships. If you’re available to someone all the time, you will get taken for granted.
Besides, girls love mystery and there’s nothing mysterious about someone who’s constantly around!
That’s why you have to be scarce. Give your crush a chance to miss you when you’re away and she’ll appreciate your company when you’re around. If it helps, make up some basic rules: “don’t text first,” “keep phone calls to 10 minutes,” etc.
2) Get A Life
It’s hard to play it cool with a girl you’re obsessing over, so distract yourself. The best way to do this is by focusing on your hobbies and interests. Spend as much time as you can on productive activities: dancing, singing, cooking classes, your career. In short, get a life.
As an added bonus, a fun and adventurous lifestyle makes you a lot more appealing than being lovesick 24/7. A man who’s deeply passionate about his interests is very attractive.
So try something you’ve always wanted to do or go to that event your workmate keeps inviting you to. Get out your old jogging outfit if there’s really nothing else to do. Losing a few pounds never hurt anyone!
3) Spend Time With Other People
Humans are social animals; what other people think is very important to us. Spending time with old friends is a great way to remind yourself – and your romantic interest – that other people value you.
You’ll also meet people who share your interests as you take up new hobbies (step 2), so make new friends! Knowing more people is great and will create more opportunities for you to do fun and adventurous stuff.
4) Create Jealousy
As you devote more time to other people and interests, two awesome things will happen.
First of all, you’ll enjoy life a lot more. This helps because everyone is drawn to happy, fulfilled people.
Secondly, women love attention; as you devote more time to other things, you will provide less of it to Her. Jealousy is a natural response, and a great way to generate romantic attraction. Use it to your advantage!
So you’ve managed to become scarce and make her jealous. The romantic interest appears to be mutual and you’re thinking about making a move. But before you do anything, make sure the time is right.
Telegraph too much interest prematurely and you’ll end up right back where you started. So let her invest time and effort into winning you back. The more invested she is into you, the less likely you are to get rejected.
Once you feel that she’s done enough to show that she’s interested in you for real, make your move. Don’t wait too long, because you might miss your chance. Be assertive and go for her as you would for any other girl.
The Easy Way is like a course of antibiotics; you’ll want to stop the treatment once things are better, but you’ll just be setting yourself up for more trouble in the future.
If you resolve to follow through with leaving the Friend Zone, commit to it. It’s going to be hard – sometimes for both of you – and you have to be prepared for that.
This is especially true of eliciting jealousy; you might upset your crush and feel like a jerk. It will be tempting to comfort your friend and confirm that she’s still your #1. But if you’re serious about being with her, resist. If you manage to pull it off, you’ll be off the hook and out of The Zone.