I’m not the best when it comes to motivational articles; I’m usually the more direct type of guy that speaks his mind without fear of hurting other people. Since confidence is such a popular issue amongst men, I figured it was only natural I’d give this another shot.
I found this amazing quote the other day “First you do the thing you’re scared of…then you get the courage” and it gave me some inspiration.
I usually get guys on the emails saying that they wish they had more confidence…you see, things like that only make me angry, guys talking about confidence as if it’s something that’s given.
The thing with confidence is that it’s something you have to work for. If you actually make an effort on building your confidence and do things that naturally have a positive effect on your self-esteem, you have something that most don’t, which will ultimately give you an advantage in life.
Basically, you’ll become the guy that women want, the guy that guys want to be and the guy that people turn to when they need advice, help or guidance.
Once a high level of confidence is achieved, you’ll live your life more fearlessly, trying newer and newer things, meeting new people and achieving the things you never imagined you could achieve. As cheesy as that might sound, it’s true.
If you still believe confidence is given or that it can be picked up in a matter of minutes, you are WRONG. However, if you feel that you’re ready to make a change, you’re ready to stop being a bitch about life and want to grow the balls to get the women you want, and become the man you’re truly meant to become, then keep reading this article as it could potentially be LIFE CHANGING.
The Basics of Confidence
Understanding the basics is the first step in understanding anything in life and it also applies to confidence and self-esteem.
Confidence is a SKILL
I like to view confidence as a skill. It’s a skill because it’s not something that’s given to you straight away, it’s something that you work on and get better with experience. Every day you do something that either builds your confidence or destroys it. That’s why it’s paramount you focus on doing things that build your confidence.
You are NOT confident from Birth – Many people believe that you are either born with confidence or you’re not. This couldn’t be more wrong, confidence is a skill that some people have learned to master over the years. A baby has 0 skills at birth, it’s his environment and experiences that give him the skills he will later have in life.
Confidence is impossible to fake – The term “Fake it until you make it” does NOT apply when it comes to confidence. By faking it you’re simply covering up your insecurities and fears, which will soon be unveiled the moment someone says something that doesn’t go down well with you. Never fake confidence.
Important Note: The more you think about confidence, the less confident you actually are. Only when you forget about confidence all together and continue to act in a confident manner, will you actually achieve a TRUE confident state.
Lack Of Confidence Is Down To Other People’s Reactions
If you’re unconfident about something, it’s because over time you’ve come to believe that based on other people’s reactions. Let’s say that you’re a short man and feel very insecure about your height, this happens because people have brought the issue up over the years and it’s now inside your head, affecting your actions throughout your life.
Here’s a quick reality blast.
People only care about themselves – The fact of the matter is that people don’t care about you per say, they care only about themselves. Saying they care about others is a lie. As human being we are designed to be concerned only about our own safety.
So, if someone made fun of you for being short, they only did that in order to project their own insecurities upon you. This is exactly why you should never take things personally, in fact you should relish on the fact that the person making fun of you has some serious issues.
It’s Normal To Be Scared
We’re all born with an ability to feel fear. Most people think it’s a bad thing when in fact it’s actually a good thing. Fear is a great mechanism that protects you from various things. It lets you brain now that what you’re about to do, is something that you haven’t done before and therefore you should fear it.
Improving your confidence means pushing past your fears – This is exactly why fearing something is so great. If you didn’t fear anything, then you wouldn’t know how to improve yourself. You need to keep pushing yourself to go past your fears if you ever expect to improve upon your natural confidence.
Pushing past your fears creates momentum – As you push past your fears, you’ll notice that rush of adrenaline in your body. This fuels your confidence and in turn allows you to push your fears even further. It’s all interconnected. For example, if you’d approach that hot girl you consider way out of your league and she reacts positively, that rush of adrenaline will allow you to push things even further and thus making a move on her, something that you would have never even believed to be possible. Confidence momentum building is probably the fastest way to build your confidence.
Avoid the slump at all costs – Although you’re making progress, you’re starting to build momentum, work and life in general takes its toll and you just can’t find the time to go out and push your fears some more. AVOID falling into a slump because coming back from that is just like starting everything all over again. Once you have built up some momentum, it’s absolutely paramount that you continuously build upon that momentum.
Fast Ways To Improve Your Confidence and Inner-Game
Now that you know what confidence is, here are the best and fastest ways to improve it:
Go Past Your Comfort Zone
As long as you sit in your dreaded comfort zone your self-esteem will be trapped and you’ll never be able to become amazing with women. Breaking out of your comfort zone is the ONLY way to achieve success. If you’re reading this right now, approaching women might probably something that’s out of your comfort zone, unless you muster up the courage to do that, you’ll never actually meet any women.
Here are some easy ways to get out of that comfort zone:
Go To Improv Class – This is a fantastic way to break out of your comfort zone while also learning how to improvise in various scenarios. Talking in front of a room full of strangers will also FORCE you to grow some balls and dramatically increase your confidence in the process.
Approach 1 Girl Every Day – You want to be more confident in order to make it easier on yourself when talking to women. Approaching 1 woman a day is a sure way to get you closer towards that goal. You’ll feel fear initially, you’ll get shut down a lot, but that’s only going to increase your momentum and eventually get you to a point where all of this becomes natural.
Try To Do More Of What You Hate – Doing things that you hate is another fantastic way to get over your fears and build up on confidence. If you hate your job, it doesn’t;’t mean working more and living in total misery is the way to go but, it does mean you should approach 5 women on a night out, if you’re the type of guy that hates and fears rejection.
If you find yourself having an excuse for why you shouldn’t do something, then that something is exactly what you need to do!
Change/Improve The Way You Look
Don’t you feel better when you’ve bought new clothes and are freshly shaved? These go by that same principle…
Spend On A Stylist – Most men do not have a keen sense of fashion but they do tend to be able to afford a stylist. Hiring one of these guys might actually change your life. They will be able to dress you in things that compliment your body, things that women will ALWAYS notice. This is actually one of the best things you can spend your money on.
Keep Yourself Groomed – Grooming is becoming a necessity in today’s day and age. I’m not saying to go all out Brazilian on your body (as I NEVER do that) but keeping a nice shaved face, or groomed beard is a must. Same goes for your body hair, let your dong see the light, don’t drown it in hair, trim it and keep it clean, same goes for your armpits. The general rule with hair on men goes like this, if it’s long, make it shorter.
Work Out – This one was obviously coming but it’s only because of its importance. Not only does working out improve your physical appearance but the process released endorphins which make you feel better about yourself. Remember this the next time you find an excuse to avoid some exercise.
Keep Your Social Circles In Check
One of the most important things in your player life is your social circles. If you like to ride solo, that’s fine. But if you hang out with people that constantly put you down, have shit activities, no fun, then you will never evolve as a person.
Hang Out With Like Minded Individuals – Hang around people that have the confidence you want to have. Hang around people that like to do what you like to do. Always try to hang around people that will improve you in one way or another.
Never hang around people that will just drag you down – Stop being friends and stop associating yourself with people that have a negative attitude towards life, the people that will only bring you hardship and pain.
Positivity is the Key To Success
Although I’m the action taking kind of guy, I can confidently say that your mentality plays a tremendous role in how your confidence is built.
No Negative Thoughts – Try to refrain yourself from seeing scenarios in which you fail or scenarios that are generally negative. A good way to train your mind to be more positive is to KILL negative thoughts on the spot. If you start thinking that you’ll fail in any given task, say to yourself, I’m being negative again, and start thinking how you’ll succeed in that task. It may seem hard in the beginning but just focusing your mind for a few second to think in a positive manner will have a tremendously positive result in the long run.
Imagine The Future Confident You – Take time out of your day (1 minute or 2) to think about the confident guy you’ll become in the near future. Imagine yourself walking up to women and owning their very existence, imagine how women will want to be with you, imagine how people will listen to everything you say and do.
Remember: The guy you want to be, is the guy you’ll eventually become. If you see yourself as a confident man day in and day out, that’s exactly what you’ll project towards the people around you. Eventually you’ll become the man you want to be and you’ll forget everything about confidence because it’s your new natural skill.