Let’s face it. One of the most nerve-wracking moments in many people’s lives is asking someone out. You may be confident or strong, but, somehow, the risk of putting yourself out there overwhelms your confidence.
I have found myself sweating before I ask a girl out, and I know many have experienced this feeling. It is not that I cannot ask them out anytime and anyway I feel, but getting turned down hits hard.
Recent research has shown that social pain, which you feel like the emotional response of being turned down, has similar characteristics to physical pain. It contains the same neural and neurochemical substrates as what you feel when something injures you physically. In simple terms, the communication your brain receives and how it reacts when you cut your toe is similar to what you feel when someone turns you down, especially when they do it harshly.
We have seen many people get into emotional traumas because someone rejected them, making them feel less important and confident about themselves. And this is the main reason rejection hurts. It is so painful that you want to avoid it, the same way you avoid stepping on a needle.
So, you may be afraid to ask a girl out. Men feel less valued, and their self-esteem is reduced when they keep getting rejected by girls. I have met many who act nonchalant and non-committal even before knowing what the other person is thinking.
This does not have to be the way to face your fears. There are many ways you can build up your confidence.
Confidence, directness, and boldness are all you need to ask a girl out. Also, understand that rejection is part of life and does not have to mean the end of the road for you. If someone does not want to be with you, there is no need to waste your time on them.
I will be sharing seven ways to ask a girl out right now, which have proven very effective from my own experience.
1. Avoid Overthinking about it
The idea of asking a girl out may be horrifying or confusing. But many of us make it worse by becoming our own worst enemies.
You can become your own worst enemy when trying to make the first move. Rejection is the biggest problem men face as their worst fears. Thinking about this alone sends a chill down their spines.
According to Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist, no one wants to look foolish or be rejected for being themselves. Unfortunately, it’s something that happens a lot. Also, Dr. Overstreet says there is an inner struggle with feeling good enough.
Fear is a major factor hindering people from taking important steps in life. Even though it’s not real, it is still the main obstacle to making healthy decisions.
Such fear and worry keep us from taking risks, like exposing ourselves. This type of thinking occurs because the brain wants to protect our ego and keep us from pain.
And yet, it’s something you cannot easily control unless you have that willingness. If you are feeling too much in your head about it, start by psyching yourself. Everything built in your head can end up changing your life.
Before you know it, you will have asked for her number and started chatting with her.
I’m not saying you don’t have to be afraid. Instead, it’s about not thinking too much about your fears, making it harder than it needs to be.
Just gather your confidence and go for it. You will be glad if they say ‘Yes.’ And if they say ‘No,’ you have lost nothing. Besides, it helps you to find out in good time before you start regretting investing into that person only to end up their friend instead of their lover. Or not talking to them at all and so letting the moment pass you by without taking action.
2. Keep it Simple and on Point
One of the biggest mistakes men make when they want to ask a girl out is beating around the bush. Doing this might seem like a great way of gathering your confidence. But you will only end up confusing her. Besides, doing this can lead you into depths of misunderstanding.
She will start avoiding you if she senses any vagueness. Be specific with every question you ask.
For instance, “Want to hang?” does not seem like a question you want to start with to get that date. Start by finding out if she will be free on the day you want to ask her out. For instance, “Are you free this weekend?” This question shows that you respect her time and are preparing her for the next question.
“There is this new band launching Friday evening. Would you like to come with me?” Of course, it does not have to be specifically something to do with music. Find something you love in common and use that as an excuse.
Doing this shows that you are interested in them as a person.
Note also that you should not make elaborate plans. Why? Because it may seem like you are under too much pressure to impress them. Just do something simple, and they will appreciate it if you use your time effectively.
3. Be yourself
There is something about asking your crush out that makes many of us want to change who we are. The pressure to impress and the need to prove ourselves can be a huge threat to our personality.
A lot of guys, mostly those who are afraid of rejection, will often attempt to be someone different. They will act strong, suave, every bit the clever womanizer, thinking ladies like such histrionics. Some have heard stories that ladies like bad boys and will do crazy things to get that approval.
Most ladies don’t like such guys. It will only make you look unsure and too stressed out to be impressive. You are most likely going to make mistakes if you do this.
Shamyra Howard, LCSW, sex, and relationship expert, insists that authenticity is the best game you can adopt: “Do not present another you think you should be; it’s best to remain genuine about yourself.”
Whether you are calling, texting, or asking her in-person, you want her to like you for who you are. It makes it easier to remain free if you intend to take the relationship further.
4. Asking her over text
Texting could be the best solution for those who find it hard to talk to a girl in person. However, you need to understand the best way of creating messages that get you a response.
Your conversation starter should be timely and well considered. If you met her last night, texting her within the first 24 hours is advisable. She will remember you better and the conversation will flow faster.
Pay attention to the response. If you don’t get a definite “Yes,” it does not mean that she is automatically not into it. Also, pay attention to how she responds. If they are busy, and yet they don’t offer an alternative option, you should know they are not into it.
Do not overdo it. Wait until they respond to one text before writing back. Also, keep your texts short and precise.
5. Asking her in-Person
The best way to ask a girl out on a date right now is in person. However, this approach comes with certain rules you must observe. You don’t just walk up to someone, telling them you think they are cute and asking them out. Start with small talk while searching for a good topic.
Read her body language. If she does not reply, is short with you, or does not take it further, don’t force it. But if you can capture her attention, discuss something that she may be interested in, you’re in.
Be calm and composed. She will make you feel worse if she reads any sign of nervousness. Understand that she is just as nervous, and use that to your advantage.
6. Figure out a common ground
Try to find out about a topic, a game, or an activity that you are both enthusiastic about. Now that you have already established the ground rules and gotten her attention, you need to get her into the conversation. This allows you to get to know her a little more.
For instance, if she loves coffee, suggest that you meet in the new restaurant open next to where you live. Remember to keep things simple and on point. It is all about making her feel comfortable and perhaps taking the relationship further.
7. Use a group date
If asking her out alone is hard, consider a group date. This is a no-pressure way of getting to know her better. Inviting her hiking with a group of friends will make her feel safe and agree to come along. But you still have to follow the rules we have talked about above.
It won’t make her feel awkward either, allowing you to get to know her better. Besides, it’s a stress-free environment that allows you to acquaint yourself with her without pretending to be someone else.
Asking a girl out can be stressful. But this does not mean you cannot ask her out if you like her. You lose nothing by trying. I hope the ideas shared above form a good foundation for you.